The Best of Songsmith

For those of you who don't know, Microsoft has recently released their own music production software, called Songsmith, in the hopes of competing with Apple's GarageBand. The thing is, Songsmith is really absolutely nothing like GarageBand. While GarageBand is your basic, standard music production software - very limited, but user-friendly and versatile enough for most people's purposes - Songsmith is way, way more limited than GarageBand and way, way less versatile. In fact, it really only does one thing. Granted, that one thing is something that GarageBand can't do. On GarageBand, I've recorded live performances, made mash-ups, constructed samples, remixed pop songs, and manipulated vocal tracks, but I haven't been able to sing into it and get it to automatically create a chord progression for me. That's exactly what Songsmith does. If you sing a melody into it, it automatically harmonizes it with software instruments for you. 

Now, you may be thinking to yourself, "Whoa! This software is really cool. I can't imagine anything wrong with it!" Well, you're wrong. As with all things that sound too good to be true, there's a catch. And the catch for Microsoft Songsmith is that all the backing tracks it generates are sickeningly cheesy. Like, something a little kid would want to listen to. Like, one of the demos from that $20 keyboard you had when you were 8 years old. Like, something that a pro wrestler who was trying to start a musical career recorded in the 1980s (or in some cases, the 1990s). Need proof? Just watch this ad for Songsmith. It might not make you want to buy the program, but it definitely will make you want to buy glow-in-the-dark towels.

Microsoft Songsmith Commercial

(Don't ask me why they're using a mac in the commercial. I was mislead into thinking this software was available for macs, but my hopes of creating horrible backing tracks to pop songs were crushed). 

As you can tell, this software is intended for people who have absolutely no experience with music performance, production, theory, or even listening. But pop culture junkies with too much time on their hands always recognize a good opportunity when they see one (just look at this blog for proof of that). A bunch of people have created videos on youtube where they put an acapella vocal track for a famous pop song into Songsmith and see what it generates for a backing track. The results are stunning, and here I present you with the cream of the crop:

1. Nirvana - In Bloom

Apparently, the music video for "In Bloom," the second song from Nirvana's famous album Nevermind, parodied old music shows from the 50s, and the backing track that Songsmith generated for "In Bloom" matches the 50s aesthetic perfectly. But it also does so much more. First of all, it had a hard time syncing the vocals to the backing track, so at times the vocals don't match the rhythm at all. Secondly, it shows you what a truly terrible singer Kurt Cobain was (Nirvana fans, don't pretend like you don't know it's true). With the wall of drums and distorted guitar stripped away, Kurt Cobain's voice is loud, clear, and painful.

2. Survivor - Eye Of The Tiger

This is one of the only instances in which the Songsmith backing track actually makes the vocals sound different. Songsmith generated a laid back, melancholy, Eagles-style backing track for "Eye of the Tiger," and it gives the lyrics entirely new meaning. When the lead singer declares, "Did my time, took my chances," and "Just a man and his will to survive," it sounds as if he's sitting somewhere, reminiscing about the days when he could have been great. Hmm... that sounds an awful lot like what the lead singer of Survivor is probably doing right now. Maybe Songsmith has the power to reveal hidden truths about songs... Let's watch another video to find out.

3. Oasis - Wonderwall

I take it back. Apparently, when Songsmith heard the angsty ballad "Wonderwall," it assumed that the vocals were meant to be played over happy hardcore. But is that really a bad thing? I'll just say that while I'm not a huge fan of Oasis, or angsty bands in general, if this version of "Wonderwall" came on at a rave, or while I was playing DDR, I'd probably dance to it.

If you liked that one, be sure to check out this ravealicious rendition of "Tom Sawyer" by Rush.

4. Ozzy Osbourne - Crazy Train

All aboard the polka train!!!!!! HAHAHAHA!!!!

Ever wonder what "Crazy Train" would sound like as a polka? Well now you can find out. Need I say more?

For a similar delight, listen to this bluegrass rendition of "White Wedding" by Billy Idol.

5. Marvin Gaye - I Heard It Through The Grapevine

Apparently, at one point Marvin Gaye was backed by a bunch of teenagers from the 90s.

6. The Police - Roxanne

Songsmith wisely chose to give "Roxanne" a Caribbean feel. Why wisely? Well, The Police became famous for shamelessly appropriating reggae, so calypso is just the next logical step, right?

Actually, I think that Songsmith butchered "Roxanne" more than any other one on here. Unlike all the other ones that I've mentioned (except for "Heard it Through the Grapevine"), "Roxanne" was a pretty good song to begin with, but that's only because Andy Summers and Stewart Copeland are both incredible musicians. When Songsmith took them away, they left us with the wannabe-Jamaican asshole Sting and what sounds like the house band for a Disney cruise ship.

7. Van Halen - Runnin' With The Devil

This is by far the best one on the list. Songsmith obviously hated David Lee Roth (rightly so), so they chose to have a lounge band back him. This rendition sounds like... well... David Lee Roth being backed by a lounge band. I really can't think of a funnier way to describe it. Just think of the loudest, most testosterone-filled lead singer in the entire genre of hair-metal being backed by a swingin' lounge band, and you have the idea. Or better yet, just watch the video. I promise you that by 0:45, you'll be on the floor with laughter.

So there you have it. I urge everyone who has Windows and loves destroying pop songs to immediately download the trial version of Songsmith and a bunch of acapella tracks and immediately post your creations to youtube.