Back in 1990, that magical year in between the ridiculous 80s and the not-quite-as-ridiculous-but-still-pretty-ridiculous 90s, one of the most recognizable pop culture icons was Super Mario, everyone's favorite Italian stereotype, who became Nintendo's most beloved figure and one of the most prominent faces of video games as a whole. If old video game commercials are a reliable source of information, then Nintendo was the shit back in the 80s, and Mario was a household name, at least among nerds and young people (especially young nerds). Well, if history has taught us anything, it's that whenever a figure becomes popular enough, a cartoon will be made of that figure, usually with catastrophic results that could ruin the image of said figure if it weren't for the fact that no one actually likes the cartoon itself (just look at The Beatles for another example of this). Mario was certainly no exception to this trend: apparently six different cartoon shows were made based on Mario, and while I'm sure all of them were utterly terrible and worthy of lengthy analysis/criticism, the one that I wish to focus on is the poorly named Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3, obviously a series of 30 minute long advertisements for the 3rd installment of the series. And I specifically want to focus on one particular episode that could only have been made in 1990, or maybe a few years earlier:
No, you're not tripping, this is an actual episode of the Mario cartoon in which he rescues Milli Vanilli from King Koopa (unfortunately, he was not able to rescue them from the shame they faced after it was found out that they had been lip-synching all of their music). This is only the first part of the episode, but you really need to watch the entire thing. There are just so many bizarre "what the fuck" moments, from the ridiculous stereotyping of King Koopa's bratty daughter (although her behavior is casually explained at around 5:17 in part 2 as being the result of horrible child abuse), to Milli Vanilli's forced laughter that is even less convincing than the infamous FFX "laughing scene," to the assumption that accountants are not "real people" compared to a duo of singers who don't actually sing, to the fact that said fake singers are disgusted by the prospect of being turned into The Beatles (maybe because they don't want to be in another shitty cartoon?), to all of the priceless lines spoken by the bratty daughter ("I really dig your dreadlocks"), Princess Peach ("If we don't turn those accountants back into Milli Vanilli, I'll never hear my favorite music again" - don't worry princess, even if you don't save them, you'll never hear them again a year from now), Toad (the forced and unsettling "It's time to rock and roll!"), and of course the "artists" themselves, with the eerily prophetic "We can't sing for you without a band."
I find it remarkable how prophetic that line is, since this cartoon was very likely the last time that Milli Vanilli were ever held in such high regard. According to the always reliable wikipedia, two weeks after it was first aired, the Milli Vanilli producer revealed that the two frontmen had lip-synched all of their songs and that none of the voices on the recordings were theirs. The version of the cartoon that exists on youtube is what they aired for reruns, after it was found out that Milli Vanilli was a fraudulent act. This is why some aspects of the episode are so weird (although much of its strangeness still can't be explained). For one thing, this explains why during the Milli Vanilli musical numbers instrumental music is played while the singers move their mouths without making any sound (which is what they actually did during concerts). The original episode contained the Milli Vanilli songs "Blame it on the Rain" and "Girl You Know It's True," but these were edited out after the truth about Milli Vanilli was revealed. This is also why when King Koopa says "more like blame it on King Koopa," we don't really know what he's talking about; he originally said "Blame it on the rain? More like blame it on King Koopa," but the first part was edited out since it wouldn't have actually referenced anything in the revised version. The best change that was made was the deletion of Luigi's closing line: "Maybe if we keep our band, we'll be that popular!" This line was probably what cursed the series, and its prediction couldn't be more accurate: The Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3 became equally as popular as Milli Vanilli, fading into obscurity shortly after the airing of this episode.
What's so fascinating about the context of this episode though is that it shows how truly fragile the pop industry is. Milli Vanilli are the poster children for "15 minutes of fame," and they are far from the only pop group who has received constant ridicule two weeks after receiving tributes on television. As bad as this episode is, Milli Vanilli were on top of the world when it was made (at least in the show), and just two weeks later they were being destroyed on TV, the same medium on which they had so recently been an object of desire. Popular culture as we are familiar with it allowed these two untalented people to rise to such great success that they were kidnapped by King Koopa and saved by the Mario Bros., only to be put in the dungeon two weeks later. The popular culture that we consume is volatile, and this episode couldn't be better proof of that.
But what it reveals even more is how exploitative this industry can be, to its consumers as well as its producers. For the consumers, this show was designed solely as a way to fuck with us and get our money. The entire series was just a giant plug for Super Mario Bros 3 (not even the whole series, a specific fucking game), and to top it all off an entire episode had to be converted in to a giant plug for Milli Vanilli, one of the most corporate groups of the 1980s. That's probably one reason why the show was so terrible; advertisements are boring, so therefore an entire series designed to sell products is going to be painful. Every quality TV show that I can think of has stayed away from excessive product placement, which, to quote Twin Peaks creator David Lynch, is "bullshit." What's even worse is that this show was meant to be consumed by children, some of the most easily fooled consumers. I remember being a kid and wanting every piece of plastic crap and sugary junk that the TV bombarded me with, and I'm certainly not the only one who's had that experience. Advertisements for certain products target children specifically because they are less discriminating in their taste, have more disposable money, and are more emotionally vulnerable, and because if they are put in the consumer mentality early in life they are more likely to continue with this mentality in their adulthood. Because of this, companies often make deals with producers to have entire shows created around their products. The Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3 isn't even the best (worst?) example of this. While it was created to support the video game, the opposite was not true. The video game was an independent entity and the main product being sold; it would have existed and sold well without the TV show, which simply rode on the game's coattails. A better example of a TV show created in tandem with a product in order to sell it is Pokemon, a franchise that I grew up with and still have a deep fondness for, and whose business strategy I am simultaneously outraged and intrigued by. When the Pokemon franchise became popular in the late 90s, it was because a TV show, a video game, and a toy series were all released at the same time, supporting each other so that if a 9 year old kid like me got into the video game, for example, he or she would subsequently get into the TV show and the toys. Likewise, the TV show was another half hour long advertisement, but it was much more subliminal, since it was not based directly on the video game, but was created in tandem with it. The Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3 is obviously an advertisement since it was made after the game was released and is specifically related to it; the Pokemon TV show is less hard to pin down, since it was created as part of a franchise rather than as a way to sell one specific product. I think that Pokemon is an absolutely brilliant franchise, both from an artistic perspective and a business one, but I still have problems with the business aspect of it because of the nature of the TV show that gets kids to buy products. If you want to read more about kids shows that were created to sell products, read this. Even kids shows that weren't explicitly created for this purpose usually have tie-in products that the producers can make money off of. Shows like Sesame Street, to a lesser extent Yo! Gabba Gabba, and to an even lesser extent 90s Nicktoons have shown us that children's television has the potential to be a powerful educational tool if it is used well and removed from corporate interests. But unfortunately, the power of television can also easily be used to manipulate the minds of children, and many executives use this power to make absurd amounts of money when they could be teaching valuable information or messages, or even doing nothing but providing quality entertainment, instead. (If you want to learn more about children's television, I highly recommend watching this episode of Screenwipe.)
If that long-winded tangent hasn't convinced you that popular culture can exploit its consumers, at least consider the fact that it exploits its producers as well. As fun as it is to make fun of Milli Vanilli, there is no doubt that they were exploited by record companies. They were used to sell products, and once their 15 minutes had expired they were fed to those that hungered for scandal. While other pop groups like the New Kids On The Block, the Backstreet Boys, and the Spice Girls did not have falls as dramatic as that of Milli Vanilli, they still only had brief periods in the spotlight, after which they were left to be objects of parody while they remembered their moments of fame. I love popular culture probably more than most people , but let's face it, record and TV companies that produce the music and shows I love fuck with everyone in order to make money. While you've certainly heard self-righteous people like me say that before, consider the above episode of The Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3 to be proof. I hope you don't have a desire to go listen to Milli Vanilli now, that if you want to play Super Mario Bros 3 it's because its actually a fun game, and that you at least consider some of the more overlooked effects that TV has on children. As for me, this dreadful 10 minutes of television has fucked with me in a different way: now that I know that Milli Vanilli is Princess Peach's favorite band, I'll never be able to look at her the same way again.
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