Niko the Alcoholic

Yea, I know that's Little Jacob, not Niko, but I couldn't find any pictures of Niko trashed.

I'm not going to review Grand Theft Auto 4 on the PC. There's probably no review you haven't read by now (assuming you've read all the reviews). I don't want to rant on about how much fun I'm having blowing up everything in sight, dropping grenades out of car windows at just the right time, and watching the carnage fade off into the distance. Everyone knows it's a fun game, a good game, probably one of the best of the year, and even though my PC is no exception to the plague of bugs and framerate issues that have been coupled with the port of the game, for the most part it's playable and I'm having a great time (though I'll probably end up ranting about how terrible Games For Windows LIVE and all the bullcrap that came with the game is. It still is, after all, a terrible port). Before I go on I've got to get some (somewhat embarrassing) history out of the way so you know where I'm coming from. I've played way too much of every PC Grand Theft Auto Game except the original. I've never played a GTA game without cheating or modding, and I've never finished the storyline of a GTA game. I tend to get too bored with the story after all of the map has been unlocked and instead I just spend hours going on ballistic rampages riding in Rhino tanks that I've suddenly just managed to miraculously materialize along with an arsenal of weapons and explosives. I realize I get further to finishing the story with each new game. The furthest I've gone being GTA4 (I'm almost done, I can feel it). So I haven't actually finished any GTA game I've played, unless you count downloading a 100% complete save file and using it as my own. So I might not know what I'm talking about here even though I consider myself to be pretty experienced with GTA. All of the GTA games have something to do with drugs, that's part of the point. You're moving drugs, selling drugs, working with druggies, you do jobs for drugs and the whole plot usually has a whole lot to do with them. But your character never does. All of the protagonists, while still stereotypical, are strangely straight-edge in a hugely drug-addled world. In many of the cutscenes a character will offer the player a drink, a hit, a key etc. and kid/fido/Tommy/CJ will always refuse. It always seemed strange to me, that a person in such a situation, with all of the pressures of being in such a place, wouldn't at least say yes to a casual drink. But they never did (ok, so there is a "pill" icon found around drugstores and hospitals in the older games that, when activated, would make the game run in slow motion for about a minute, but I didn't count that since it was so ambiguous). I thought it was so strange to have a character that was so morally ok with stealing, cheating, lying, killing (civilians) and raping, and yet wouldn't even taste the vodka. While playing GTA 4, I thought it would be the same, but it turns out Rockstar keeps playing around with more RPG elements than I expect. Niko (the protagonist/player in GTA 4) actually says yes to a drink in a cutscene around mid game at the last mission offered by "Playboy X." I was so exited for a second, but disappointment set in when Niko never actually drank out of the glass he was handed. What the hell Niko!? You're from freaking Russia! And you won't even have a vodka shot when offered? You're a stereotype for Christ's sake! Finally, my wish came true. One of the many "activities" you can do with your "friends" (and alone, if you're a sad human being. I mean, who drinks alone in a video game?) is go out drinking. You drive up to the bar, watch you and your friends walk in, time passes, and when you come out the camera gets all wobbly and your character stumbles around, trips, and talks drunk to the people around him. You can even drunk drive, which is actually pretty funny, since the car will randomly make turns all over the road and inevitably ram you full speed into a pole or tree or something. It's difficult to walk too, so if you want to get anywhere you have to get a cab to take you home and sleep before you can really do anything else. It's funny, and adds a sort of silly and humanizing aspect to the game. So the era of crazed, non-drinking, homicidal maniacs is over. You can now, if you wish, go out and get plastered in GTA. Though you can't become an alcoholic. At least, nothing happens if you go out and drink all of the time (though you're probably missing the point of the game if you do that. But hey, your call). What I find interesting, is that you now have the choice to never drink. Niko won't drink in the cutscenes, and you never are forced to go drinking with your friends. However, it is required to drink to reach 100% game completion, since drinking counts as an "activity" which you must complete all of several times to reach 100%. So in a way, GTA has gone from forcing the player to be drug-free, to requiring the player to get drunk at least a few times. Quite a switch. You can finish the game without getting a 100% completion though. So for the most part, it's now up to you whether or not to be the straight edge killer, or the sometimes-gets-drunk killer. Of course it's also up to you whether or not to kill random civilians, but who wouldn't? It's GTA. have fun, kill innocent people, go to strip clubs, climb to the top of the crime world, lay waste to a few thousand cops, get some whores, pillage, destroy, steal, and now, get drunk too.