Showing posts with label hopes and dreams. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hopes and dreams. Show all posts

My (geeky) Dream Girl

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When I meet my dream girl, this is the EXACT conversation we're going to have, told here in the form of a theatrical scene:

(Lights up. ME is on a computer playing StarCraft, WOMAN enters, intruiged)

DREAM GIRL: Hey, what'cha doing?

ME: (Alt+Tabs) Oh it's nothing, nothing.

DREAM GIRL: Oh no no, I'm actually interested in whatever geeky thing you're doing right there.

ME: Oh, um, well, I was, I was playing StarCraft. Trying to, build up resources.

DREAM GIRL: Oh oh, I like StarCraft.

ME: (mumbles) Huh, I'll bet you do.

DREAM GIRL: What was that?

ME: Nothing, nothing. You like StarCraft?

DREAM GIRL: Yea totally! I play it all the time. Looked like you were Protoss. If you've been AFK this long you've probably been nuked or rushed by now.

ME: Crap! (returnes playing) hey yea, thanks.

DREAM GIRL: (pause) Yea. Hey, do you want a Mountain Dew? I have an extra one here.

ME: Hey thanks! I love Mountain Dew!

DREAM GIRL: No problem. Hey, I was wondering, do you want to maybe, play StarCraft with me?

ME: (stops game) Um, yea. Absolutely!

DREAM GIRL: Great! Except, I play a slightly different version if that's OK?

ME: Um , sure, what's different?

DREAM GIRL: Well, I don't want to spoil the details, but it involves (whispers) S-E-X.

ME: S-s-sex? Really?

DREAM GIRL: I can't hold it in any longer! I love you and I want to get married and have sex and play magic and video games and go to E3 and Comic-Con and have more sex all day for the rest of our lives!

ME: Let's do it. (they kiss)

(blackout)




The "Golden Age" of PC Gaming? O RLY?

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I was intrigued when I read about "The Golden age of PC Gaming" (which you should read, it's a good argument, and this post will make a lot more sense having read it. In fact, go read it now. It's OK, I'll wait). I hear a lot of people talk about this "era." They refer to their games from 1997 to 2002 as coming from a time of some sort of enlightened perfection, when graphics didn't need to be that shiny, developers were free to innovate, the average PC could actually run the games, new frontiers were being explored and new, innovative ideas flowed from every EB Games in town. And I agree, to some extent. There were a ton of classics and franchises that got thier start during this time, and some that are still being played to this day (Starcraft, The Sims, Quake 3). However, I'm gonna hafta go ahead and say, that's pretty much all just nostalgia banter.
First of all, PC gaming is what, 27 years old? And you're telling me we're already past our golden age? There's really no more innovation to look forward to? Jeez. Books have been around for thousands of years, and they don't even have a golden age. There was (again, arguably) a golden age of hollywood (1930-1948ish, longer for some), but that had to do with the industry figuring out how to make a ton of moola, and churning out some classics at the same time. Plus the whole depression and war thing, which drew a ton of more people to the movies. And people certainly didn't know it was a golden age only 6 years after it was over. It took a tad longer than that. There's also the issue of playability and ease of use. In this supposed, "golden age" the average joe could install and run most all PC games without a hitch, it was easy. This is true to some extent. Mostly because the Quake 3 engine was so awesome, and full 3D RTS games hadn't really come into play yet. But let's not pretend Windows was any less of an unstable mess than it is now. 98 was an improvement over 95, but still had its issues, and the early days of windows XP weren't so hot either. Oh right, and there was ME, good luck getting a game to run on that. Hell, even today I have issues running some of the old classics. Sure, games may have been less buggy back then, as it was more difficult to roll out patches without today's super-fast internets, so developers had to be more careful before releasing thier games. But a game is a program, and no program is bug-free. Every new game has its fair share of crashes. Besides, it really all depends on the developer/publisher. Buy a game from 2k, Valve, Stardock, Activision, or Codemasters and you're likely to have a less buggy experience than a game from EA, Ubisoft, THQ, or GSC game world. System requirements? Yea, they're tough nowadays, and some of them can get a little confusing for the average guy, but this is offset by digital distribution and automatic patching. You know how easy it is to install a game through Steam? Here's the steps: 1) Buy the game. 2) Wait for it to automatically download and install. 3) Play it. Want to keep all your non-steam games automatically patched and updated? Install Xfire and it does all the work for you. Don't know if a game will run on your computer? There's whole communities out there willing to help, along with simple services like this one. Besides, even the Quake 3 engine was pretty tough on systems when it first came out, but a couple years later, most everyone could run it well, and now we're starting to see many consumer PC's being able to run the Unreal 3 engine (and of course, there's Source).
These "golden age" lovers seem to think there's nothing good about PC gaming today. But C'mon. We're seeing some exiting stuff here. Rise of the indie game developer anyone? Games like Everyday Shooter, Braid, Audiosurf, World of Goo, Aquaria and Garry's Mod to name just a few, are all trying new things and innovating in exiting new ways. There's also small developers begginging to pick up speed. There's The Path, Penumbra, Mount & Blade, Painkiller, all amazing games, all made without millions of dollars, from independant developers. The PC gaming industry is evolving into something else, not something worse. Also, MMORPGs anyone? World of Warcraft will run on just about any computer or laptop around, and there's more than 11.5 million active monthly subscribers. There's also Age of Conan, Eve Online, and City of Heroes to name the big ones. MMORPGs completely reshaped the way we think of games, not to mention opening up new realms of developer/player relationships. They're awesome, they're innovative, and they're not from "the golden age." Even the days before "the golden age" were filled with inventive fun. Adventure games were done right back then. LucasArts' SCUMM engine ruled, with awesomely creative games like Monkey Island, Loom, and Day of the Tentacle. Along with Duke Nukem, Myst, Doom, Quake, Descent, and Civilization. All awesome breakthroughs in gameplay. Which brings me to another important point, the actual games. Let's take a look at some awesome PC titles that were released outside of "the golden age." This is a pretty long (though still very incomplete) list. I just kinda picked my loves, and the ones I know had industry and cultural impact, but there are likely other games out there that I'm missing. So first off, games released from 1990-1993: Sim City 2000 Loom The Secret of Monkey Island Monkey Island 2, Lechucks' Revenge Indiana Jones and the Fate of Atlantis Day of the Tentacle Sam and Max Hit the Road Civilization 1 Neverwinter Nights Alone in the Dark Dune 2 Star Control Star Control 2 Doom Myst Duke Nukem Duke Nukem 2
We got a lot of good shit here, SCUMM engine versions 4 to 6 are used for the previously mentioned Monkey Island and other great adventure games. Alone in the Dark started the entire survival horror genre. Myst became one of the best-selling games of all time. And if that's true, certainly it must have been easy enough to install. We have the first MMORPG too, Neverwinter Nights. Dune 2 pretty much solidified the RTS format. And The Civilization series started here, revolutionizing strategy games and becoming one of the biggest franchises out there today. Next, let's look at 1994-1996: Command and Conquer Civilization 2 Diablo Command and Conquer: Red Alert Descent Descent 2 Doom 2 Quake 1 System Shock 1 Warcraft 1 TIE Fighter The Dig X-COM: UFO Defense Jagged Alliance Warcraft 2 Duke Nukem 3D The Elder Scrolls 2: Daggerfall Tomb Raider MechWarrior 2
So we got the Duke, kickin' ass and chewing bubble gum in feaux 3D. X-COM refining the RTS to almost perfection. LucasArts still had it back then with The Dig and TIE Fighter. Warcraft saw its begginings here, as did Descent, Quake, Tomb Raider, Diablo, Command and Conquer, C&C: Red Alert, and System Shock. All awesome, all revolutionary, all before the "golden age." Now we're moving on to after the "golden age" where console-tards started tainting the ingenuity of developers, DRM became rampant and started ruining ease of installation, gameplay and creativity was sacrificed for shinies, which required more and more expensive hardware to run, oh, and all of these great games came out for PC. We'll start from 2003-2005: Half-Life 2 Civilization 4 Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas Far Cry Call of Duty 1 Grand Theft Auto: Vice City Wolfenstien: Enemy Territory Galactic Civilizations Painkiller Counter-Strike: Source Day of Defeat: Source Beyond Good and Evil Psychonauts Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time Darwinia Unreal Tournament 2004 Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell Rise of Nations Warcraft 3: The Frozen Throne World of Warcraft Max Payne 2: The Fall of Max Payne Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic Homeworld 2
Geez what a list. First off, yes, I know some of these came out for consoles as well, but I was never talking about PC exclusive games. And hey, most titles from the "golden age" were on the consoles too, including Quake 3, Deus Ex, even The Sims. Plus you can't expect the industry not to shift over time, and here we began to see a lot of games released on multiple platforms. Anyway, the biggest one here is probably Half-Life 2, which is still regarded as the single greatest PC game ever. Far Cry is debatable, as it represents the rise of shinies replacing gameplay, but it did start the open-world FPS. Psychonauts was awesome, as was Beyond Good and Evil, some super-creative 3D platforming there. World of Warcraft is here, and we see a huge rise in the popularity of online games. Unreal Tournament 2004, Call of Duty, and Wolfenstien ET all had very large online communities that are still fairly strong today. Oh, and Counter Strike: Source is one of the most popular online action games of all time, played by both average joe and hardcore gamer alike. And finnally, 2006-Present: The Orange Box Bioshock Portal Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare Team Fortress 2 Fallout 3 Grand Theft Auto 4 Left 4 Dead World in Conflict Galactic Civilizations 2 Race Driver: GRID Civilization 4: Beyond the Sword Half-Life 2: Episode 1 Half-life 2: Episode 2 The Elder Scrolls 4: Oblivion Flatout 2 Battlefield 2142 Sam and Max Season 1 Sins of a Solar Empire
Ok, yea, I named The Orange Box, as well as all of the games that are in The Orange Box, but Portal is amazing and deserves it's own love. As does TF2, and pretty much every game in The Orange Box. Also, the system requirements for The Orange Box? A Pentium 4 Processor, 1GB of RAM, and a DirectX 9 level graphics card. And those are the reccomended specs. How hard is it to install? Oh right, you get it through Steam. And game quality? Oh right, it's the freaking Orange Box. So, games today are crap are they? There's a ton of other games here that I will be playing years from now. Left 4 Dead is classic already, Co-Op is here to stay. Grand Theft Auto 4 was a cinematic achievement (despite it's admittedly shitty PC release). Call of Duty 4's multiplayer will stand out as unique, balanced, original, and fun as hell. World in Conflict gives us a new angle on the RTS genre. There's so many great, inspired games out today. Also, I didn't even mention all of the great amazing indie titles that have come out in the past couple of years. But to name a few: Light of Altair, And Yet It Moves, Crayon Physics Delux, The Path, Defcon, The Maw, Toribash, as well as the ones mentioned earlier. All of these games have great graphics, great gameplay, will run stable on pretty much anything, and they're fun as hell (admittedly I'm not through all of them yet, but I have yet to be dissapointed and you wont find a negative review out there). Also, they're exclusive to the PC, and most are available on Steam. So, I guess there you have it. Culture changes, industries change, technology changes, but there's always creative people out there making great video games. There are even those who think that now is the greatest time to be a gamer. And that, "If you can't find something to play -- something amazing -- you're just not looking." As video games in general rise in popularity, I see only a brighter, bigger future for PC games, where the hardcore gamer and average joe live in harmony, and new, exiting ideas are seen everywhere. The gaming generation is growing up, computers are more powerful and more portable than ever, and video games are more and more often seen as a valid artistic medium. All of this can only lead to good things. Boy, if I didn't know better, I'd say we're entering a golden age right now.

It's Official, We're Official!

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Hey all! Big milestone here at The Tartar Sauce. I finally got around to getting us a domain with email and everything! So if you go to www.thetartarsauce.com, it should bring you right to our home page!

Don't feel left out if you're already subscribed to our feed or already have us bookmarked though, within a few days (it can take up to 3 days to fully switch over), any link from thetartarsauce.blogspot.com will redirect to our new domain, and until then the blogspot address should still be fully functional.

All of our writers now have fancy "name@thetartarsauce.com" email addresses, and our new site address that you can use to email us tips, complains, suggestions, or whatever is tips@thetartarsauce.com! Of course, our old one still works, but as soon as I get our contact sidebar info up, why would you use it?

We also have a parent company now (since a company was required when I signed up the domain), Spreadable Media, which, at this point, is only exiting to me since it doesn't really exist yet or affect anything.

Thanks for your support in making this possible, you awesome readers you. Let's hope this is the beginning of something great. Domains are the fucking shit!

Happy New Year Links

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Happy new year. I found an interesting article on fizzlechat addressing the stagnation in game genres over the last 10 years. It's also a wonderful short history of the evolution of video games. Perhaps another reason for the surprise success of GOG.com? "Ten Years Without A New Genre"

Blogger Is A Piece Of Shit.

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No really, it is. I promise. You might notice a few style changes happening around here. Most of them will be buggy. Some just plain won't work. Please excuse the shitty presentation while I sort things out. Why is blogger a piece of shit? Well among other things, what I've been trying to do for a bit is add post previews (aka "continue reading" links) to these wonderful, but longer posts we've been getting here lately. Unfortunately, blogger in all it's infinite wisdom, still doesn't have this simple feature, even though it's been requested over and over again for years now. If this were a wordpress blog it would be as simple as pressing a button, but nooooooo I had to mindlessly follow google and get a blogspot blog instead. So now I have to edit the template by hand and try to figure out what to do. My coding skills are mediocre at best, so bear with me during this construction time. In the meantime, if you're thinking of starting a blog of your own, might I suggest wordpress.com. It's got way more features than blogger. And the developers actually care about what features the bloggers want. Update: So as it turns out there is no way to add post previews in blogger without adding "continue reading" links to every single post, regardless of whether or not it actually has more content. Bull. Fucking. Shit. I may have to resort to more drastic measures and we're still doing some switch arounds with the interface, but just wanted to get that out there. Thanks again.

So, The Beach and Stuff Like That

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Actually, no stuff like that. So I was at the beach the other day, as you do. It was McCorrie point. Its a little dinky beach. Your typical Portsmouth beach full of shells and rocks and seaweed and weeds and shit. It's shit for swimming but it's great for finding stuff or just hangin' out thinking. So I was thinking while picking up various pretty rocks for my grandmother searching for an epiphany of some kind when the question hit me: Why the fuck are there so many bricks on the beach? Seriously, I finds them all the time on the beaches I go to and they're nice, all smoothed out by the ocean and shit. But why are there so many of them? One or two every once in a while I can understand, like seaglass, but there's way more of them all over the place if you look. so where did they come from? Is there a natural explanation? Are they just red rocks that look like bricks? Cuz I took Earth Science freshman year of high school and the only thing I learned (from crazy talks-to-walls-no-really-he-does Mr. Rutkewitz) was how to tell brick or cement from a real rock. Was there some giant Titanic-sized tanker full of bricks that sank a hundred tears ago? and the bricks were just washed ashore now because they were all defective and floated a bit or something? I did some reasearch and it turnes out that already happened in the little island of St Maarten. but that looks very different from our beaches. I mean, what the fuck! Where did all these fucking bricks come from! Did there used to be some epic fort or something by the New England beaches but some secret government-covered-up-war happened and it got owned? So as soon as I got back, I asked, and... not even Google knew why. NOT EVEN FUCKING GOOGLE KNEW!!! That's when I realized I had uncovered a true mystery of the universe. I'm trying to make peace with the fact that I may never know why the bricks are there, but it's something I'll wonder about for the rest of my life. I have a feeling it's going to come back to haunt me one day. Like I'll be kidnaped or tortured and all they'll want to know is why, and I won't know, and I'll die strapped to a chair in a basement somewhere all because I didn't know where the bricks came from. Or some government agency will come to me and tell me there's a nuke in Amherst and the only way to stop it is to tell them where the bricks came from, and I won't know and thousands of people will die, because I lacked the curiosity to find out why. But what If I dedicate my life to finding out why? And it turns out to be some part of a secret experiment that went horribly wrong and I'm killed for knowing to much? Or what if it's some mundane answer and I realize I've wasted my life for nothing? Those goddamned bricks. Another one of the universe's unsolvable mysteries.

Another Blog Rides the Fail Train

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Here we go again, me trying desperately to keep up and do a blog. I always thought it would be cool to blog, to have a blog. It's like having your own virtual soapbox with your own little following of people you don't know. All of them reading your thoughts and ideas as if they mattered. Putting your ideas in a feed reader or refreshing the page hoping you've come up with some new ones. The problem is I don't have that many ideas. It's more than that, I guess. I'm a pretty lazy guy. No really I swear. I do a find and replace to capitalize my I's because I'm too lazy to hit the shift key. There's a lot of other examples, but listing them would be too much effort. I also do stuff (despite my laziness), and what with college classes, parties, rehearsals, jobs, and general life, I'd often rather blow up shit in Call of Duty or San Andreas than spend time writing and thinking, even though I'd ultimately be happier if I wrote. Whatever. I've had two blogs before, the first was Back Door Life. I started it after High school during the summer. It actually did pretty well and I might recycle a few posts from there if this blog ever takes off. That one remains my most successful one. I knew what I had to do and I was pretty consistent with writing daily. After a while I had a decently devoted following and was keeping up with around 3 posts a day. I had some cool content. But then college hit and with all the new things I was experiencing along with seeking and making new friends, I just couldn't keep it up. So it faded away. My next blog was The Daily Century. Aside from this it is my latest. I still might update it if I come up any other funny ideas. The premise was once a day I would write a fake article about something in the tech world. Sort of like a geek-oriented onion, though I'd like to think I'm more original than that. Problem was I'm not that funny, and ran out of ideas really quickly. I still post to it every few months, but for the most part it's dead. It got no traffic. So I've tried and failed to write blogs. So why try again? Aren't I supposed to be lazy? Don't I suck at this? Well yea, but blogs are friggin' cool, and this time it's different. This time, I have four other people who have agreed to blog with me as a means of keeping in touch when we all part this fall to our respective colleges and dance tours. That means there are five chances for this blog to do well. And if other people are doing it with me then I'll be more motivated to keep up with it. It's also a great way to keep in touch since there's no official theme of this blog. We're all just gonna write. Though It'll probably have to do with multimedia or something since everyone blogging is the artsy fartsy type, but it doesn't really matter. As long as we have enough posts. well I've rambled enough, I'm exited about this and hope it stays a frequent and sweet way to stay together. And with a name like "The Tartar Sauce," what could go wrong?