Showing posts with label geek reads. Show all posts
Showing posts with label geek reads. Show all posts

The Atlas of North American English

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This is something for all the language nerds out there. It's called the Atlas of North American English, and the coolest feature on it is a map of the United States and Canada that highlights different dialects of English. To view it, click on the link above, then click on "The Dialects of North America," then click "Mapping Features." On this map, North America (excluding Mexico, since it doesn't apply nearly as much, although it still could be interesting), is divided into regions based on the primary dialect spoken in that region. You can click on these regions and then listen to recordings of people from those regions speaking to actually hear these dialectic differences. It's a great way to waste time on the internet (although, admittedly, not everyone will enjoy it).
But there's one major issue I have with this map. Can anyone guess what it is after looking at the map? I'll give you a huge hint: I'm from California.
For some reason, the linguists who designed this map, two of whom are from Pennsylvania, gave New York City its own dialect but only assigned one dialect to THE ENTIRE WESTERN HALF OF THE UNITED STATES. I can tell you that people from Northern California speak differently than people from Southern California. Shit, people from some parts of LA speak differently than people from other parts of LA. Entire studies have been done on the dialects of California and it's a fact that AT LEAST four different dialects exist within California (anyone from there can tell you there are way more). But apparently that's bullshit; I didn't realize that everyone from the western half of the United States speaks exactly the same.
Not to make too big a deal out of it, even though I already am, but this map has a huge bias in favor of the east coast, which is annoying but not all that surprising. Probably the three best linguistics departments in the country (MIT, Harvard, and UMass) are in Massachusetts (which, as a linguistics student, I can say I'm proud to go to school in). But an affect of this is obviously that more attention is going to be paid to east coast dialects in the most prominent studies. And of course the reverse happens as well; the study I cited above was done at UC Santa Barbara, in California. It seems that people only pay attention to the dialects near them, which again makes sense if you think about it; they're the easiest ones to find native speakers for.
Also, I'm over-exaggerating a bit. If you actually listen to the recordings you'll hear tons of different dialects within every region. Still, that map is just a little lazy.

My (geeky) Dream Girl

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When I meet my dream girl, this is the EXACT conversation we're going to have, told here in the form of a theatrical scene:

(Lights up. ME is on a computer playing StarCraft, WOMAN enters, intruiged)

DREAM GIRL: Hey, what'cha doing?

ME: (Alt+Tabs) Oh it's nothing, nothing.

DREAM GIRL: Oh no no, I'm actually interested in whatever geeky thing you're doing right there.

ME: Oh, um, well, I was, I was playing StarCraft. Trying to, build up resources.

DREAM GIRL: Oh oh, I like StarCraft.

ME: (mumbles) Huh, I'll bet you do.

DREAM GIRL: What was that?

ME: Nothing, nothing. You like StarCraft?

DREAM GIRL: Yea totally! I play it all the time. Looked like you were Protoss. If you've been AFK this long you've probably been nuked or rushed by now.

ME: Crap! (returnes playing) hey yea, thanks.

DREAM GIRL: (pause) Yea. Hey, do you want a Mountain Dew? I have an extra one here.

ME: Hey thanks! I love Mountain Dew!

DREAM GIRL: No problem. Hey, I was wondering, do you want to maybe, play StarCraft with me?

ME: (stops game) Um, yea. Absolutely!

DREAM GIRL: Great! Except, I play a slightly different version if that's OK?

ME: Um , sure, what's different?

DREAM GIRL: Well, I don't want to spoil the details, but it involves (whispers) S-E-X.

ME: S-s-sex? Really?

DREAM GIRL: I can't hold it in any longer! I love you and I want to get married and have sex and play magic and video games and go to E3 and Comic-Con and have more sex all day for the rest of our lives!

ME: Let's do it. (they kiss)

(blackout)




Adventures en France

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So I have not been posting any updates recently, but it's for a good reason: I'm in France, doing things. So for the next week or so, I'll try to get a few posts in on some of my experiences. I'd thought I'd start of with this: The French are total nerds. Seriously, next to my hotel is at least four video game stores, two trading card boutiques, and a wargaming store. The newsracks also carry, in addition to trashy teen magazines and covers that would be reserved for porn mags in the US, Vie Victus, a wargaming hobbyist magazine. It's so odd - there's seriously a magazine with Sharon Stone topless on the cover right next to a magazine about recreating historical battles with tiny metal men. Also, comic books (BD) are huge, an entire art form. Book stores will have entire floors dedicated to graphic novels coevering every subject under the sun. It's really quite fascinating. It's actually pretty refreshing to see brick and mortar game, record, and hobby shops since they've all died out in the US. It's not due to a lack of online sources, either (although Steam's refusal to acknowledge the strength of the Euro is pretty infamous.) Thanks to Socialism, France's internet connections are fast and cheap. No, it seems that these stores are still around because in France, there's still a market to wander into a store dedicated entirely to music, or games, and chat with people face to face who are also interested in your hobbies. Lucky bastards.

Pokemon and Japan

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Pokemon comes from Japan. You know that already, especially if you're around my age. Shit, if you're around my age then Pokemon was probably the first thing you had ever heard of from Japan. Pokemon has become synonymous with Japanese popular culture, and many people are aware that something as unique as the Pokemon series could only have come out of Japan. But many people don't realize how deeply the Pokemon series reflects Japanese culture. After playing Pokemon for about 10 years and living in Japan for about 4 months, I've seen lots of similarities between the world of Pokemon and the country of Japan that would never have occurred to me otherwise. And that's what I'm gonna be talking about.
First of all, there's a really really obvious way in which Pokemon directly reflects Japan: each region of Pokemon is based on a region of Japan. Kanto, from Pokemon Red, Blue, and Yellow, is not surprisingly based on the Kanto region of Japan, which is where Tokyo is. It's amazing how correctly the developers of Pokemon got the geography of the virtual Kanto to match the geography of the real Kanto. For example, try and guess which city in Pokemon is based on Tokyo. Come on, keep guessing. Are you ready? Well, if you said Saffron City then you're correct. There are really obvious ways in which the cities resemble each other: they're big, they're modern, they're hubs for travelers. But any game developer could create a city with all these features and have it not resemble Tokyo at all. What the developers of Pokemon did to really make Saffron City a virtual representation of Tokyo was that they gave it a greater metropolitan area. Tokyo is surrounded by Yokohama, Chiba, Kawasaki, and Saitama; Saffron City is surrounded by Vermilion City, Celadon City, Cerulean City, and Lavender Town. When I went to the top of the Tokyo TV Tower, all I could see for miles was city. This wasn't just Tokyo; it was all the cities that surrounded Tokyo as well. The Tokyo metropolitan area is so big that if it were considered one city (which it essentially is), it would be the biggest city in the world. With the limited technology that the first generation Pokemon games had, the developers did their best to make Saffron City mirror Tokyo in this way. In fact, I'm pretty sure Vermilion City (Kanto's port) is supposed to mirror Yokohama (Kanto's port). Plus, isn't it crazy that Vermilion City's gym leader is obviously supposed to be an American who came to Vermilion City since it's a port? I think so.
Johto, which is west of Kanto, and which was explored in Gold and Silver, is based on the Kansai region, which is west of Kanto, and which is where Osaka and Kyoto are. In Gold and Silver, Goldenrod City is supposed to be Osaka, and Ecruteak City is supposed to be Kyoto. As with Saffron City and Tokyo, it's crazy how deeply and accurately Ecruteak City mirrors Kyoto. Both are known as old, traditional cities with rich history, but the way in which Ecruteak City mirrors Kyoto goes way beyond that; many of the buildings in Ecruteak City are essentially real buildings that exist in Kyoto. The best example is the Tin Tower in Ecruteak City, where the main character of Gold and Silver finds the legendary golden bird Pokemon Ho-oh after climbing to the top. I'm almost certain that the Tin Tower is based on Kinkakujin, the golden temple in Kyoto. I mean, at the top of the golden temple is a statue of a golden bird.
Plus, in Kyoto there is also a silver temple. There isn't one in Ecruteak City, but there is another tower that burned down. And I mean, come on. Kyoto has a gold temple and a silver temple. The games that feature Kyoto, I mean Ecruteak City, are Pokemon Gold and Silver. Coincidence? I don't think so. Plus, Osaka and Kyoto have the same relative geographical locations as Goldenrod City and Ecruteak City. And I'm pretty sure Violet City, another, smaller old city, is supposed to be Nara, another, smaller old city which also has the same geographical position.
Hoenn, from Ruby and Sapphire, is supposed to be Kyushu, the island to the southwest of Japan's central island, Honshu. Basically, if you turned a map of Kyushu on its side, you'd have a map of Hoenn.
I don't really know much about Kyushu, so I can't really comment on how similar it is to Hoenn. But I do know that Kyushu's two biggest cities, Fukuoka and Nagasaki, correspond to Hoenn's two largest cities, Rustboro and Slateport, respectively. And Hoenn definitely has much more of a southern island vibe to it than any other main region in the series; most of its routes have water in them, most of the cities are coastal, and the climate is mostly warm. Plus, Kyushu is essentially a volcanic island, and so is Hoenn; at Hoenn's center is Mount Chimney, which I think is supposed to be Mount Aso. The areas around the volcano in the game obviously had a lot of thought put into their design. As they're far from the coast and have skies filled with ash, they have very low populations, and the people have to adapt to a harsh environment.
Sinnoh, the region from Diamond and Pearl, is Hokkaido. I mean, just look at a map of both.
realpokeworld5.jpg image by heisstack
You even have Jubilife City, Sinnoh's biggest city, in the exact same geographical position as Sapporo, Hokkaido's biggest city. Plus, Hokkaido is the northernmost island of Japan and has the coldest climate, as does Sinnoh, which is the only region in Pokemon that has snow in it. 
So that's just one way in which Pokemon actually mirrors Japan. Unfortunately, there hasn't been a Pokemon region yet based on Aichi, which is where I've been staying. But the developers have to get to it eventually. I mean, they've already used four regions of Japan as locations.
But there are other ways in which the Pokemon series really reflects Japanese culture. I'm currently almost done replaying Pokemon Sapphire, and I've noticed a few things in the game that are so similar to Japan. I didn't notice them when I played the game for the first time, but after being in Japan they're obvious to me. One instance where this occurred was in Rustboro City, one of the first locations visited in Hoenn. While you're there, you save a worker for the Devon Corporation, and as a way of saying thank you he takes you to meet the company president. When I first played the game I didn't think anything of this, but now I realize that this plot point is deeply rooted in Japanese society. In Japan, when you meet the president of a company, it's a BIG DEAL, way bigger than in America. For example, I've met my college president twice already, and almost every student at the school has. He comes to every event and tries to be very approachable. I've even seen people openly criticize him to his face, partly because no one is really afraid to. He doesn't have an air of mystery to him or anything. Shit, everyone at the school knows that he's openly gay, and him and his life partner serve breakfast to everyone on Halloween. To be fair, I go to a really small hippie college, and I know that this isn't representative of everywhere in America, but I also know other people at different colleges who've gone to their school president's house for dinner. Basically, the fact is that something like this is far from out of the ordinary in America, and at the very least most American students have seen their college president before. 
Now that that long tangent is over, I'll talk about how it's different in Japan. I have met my Japanese college president once, but it was an entirely different story. All of the foreign students were told a week in advance that we had to wear fancy clothes on a certain day to meet the college president. When we did, we went up to his office on the top floor of the central building, taking a secret elevator that only certain (not all) administrative people are allowed to use. All of the other elevators in the building don't go up that far. The school president's office was one of the nicest offices I've ever been in. If you sold all of the furniture and decorations that were in his office, it would probably be more money than my school has ever had in its history. Then we had to introduce ourselves in formal Japanese. Basically, meeting the college president in Japan was an honor and a privilege, as opposed to in America, where my college president has served me breakfast in women's clothing. Not that I don't have respect for my college president, but I'm not forced to have respect for him like I am in Japan. I doubt that more than 10% of the student body at my Japanese school has ever seen the college president in person. And certainly very few of them, if any, are ever allowed to go to his office. Even the staff members who took us there were clearly nervous.
So basically, the plot point of Sapphire where you meet the company president would have much more significance to a Japanese audience. In fact, the scene of the game where you meet the president was so similar to the experience I had. In the game, you go up a secret elevator that is only for company employees to the president's top floor office, which is more nicely decorated than anywhere else in the game.
There's another plot point early in Sapphire that reminded me of Japan as well. At one point, you go to an island city where everyone is following a random fashion trend. The way it works is that everyone on the island keeps quoting one phrase that consists of two randomly generated words. So every time you play the game the phrase will be two different words, and they'll rarely make sense. When I first played the game, my only thought was something along the lines of "Wow, they really could have programmed this part better." But now I realize that that's so close to how Japanese fashion is. I can't tell you how many times someone has come up to me and asked me what the two words on their shirt meant, only to be surprised when I told them it didn't mean anything. Basically, that part of the game couldn't have been programmed better, and I only realize that now.
There are a few other aspects of the games that are based on Japanese society, such as Team Rocket, an organized crime syndicate that runs a casino (the Yakuza, who run nearly every pachinko parlor), and Poke-marts, which are located everywhere, are open 24 hours, and sell everything you could possibly need (Japanese convenience stores). But the crazy thing is that the core gameplay element of the Pokemon series is actually also based on something real in Japan. During the summer, lots of Japanese kids like to capture these giant wild beetles with crazy horns and pincers and have them fight each other. Sound familiar? If not, I'll provide you with some visual aides. 
Doesn't help? Well maybe this one will.
So basically, if you go to Japan you can stage a real life battle between Pinsir and Heracross. I've even heard that this culture of fighting bugs was the initial inspiration for the entire Pokemon series. 
So there you have it. The world of Pokemon is essentially Japan. That's one reason why every location in the games is so detailed. They're based on real world locations. I hope you've learned something from this post, and that next time you play a Pokemon game (like the remakes of Gold and Silver for the DS, which I'm pumped about), you think about this a little. At the very least, you probably learned from this post what a complete nerd I am. 

Web Clips for 7/9/09

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Again, I'm slightly embarrassed to do this, but there's an article in gamespy on proud personal moments in gaming. It's pretty obvious shitty linkbait, but the corresponding thread on digg is actually pretty interesting. As the users simply sounded off some of their proudest gaming moments.

A decent list of geeky, hacking movies. Everyone should see "Hackers" if only for it's ultra-cheeeze, bastardization of hacker culture, and Angelina Jolie in a very odd role.

The entire original Star Wars in GIF.

Massachusetts sues DOMA. intewesting. Let's hope something comes of it.

*Insert trend here* is Dead!

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This happens every so often. A journalist will come crawling out of the woodwork, spot a product going into a decreasing trend, and crow about how desktop computers are dead or something else equally as idiotic. I don't know if it's just an attempt to grab page hits or the writer genuinely not having a basic grasp of economics (or reality,) but it's quite depressing to see an article like that get any attention. Really, the writer of that article should be gently shushed and led into an isolated room where he cannot embarrass himself further. Desktops aren't dead. PC Gaming isn't dead. There's a difference between "no longer dominant" and "dead." Desktops have lost a large chunk of the market to laptops, but the thing is, desktops never actually "owned" that demographic. My mom, for example, has owned two desktops and two laptops. She basically uses a computer for email, to look up directions, news, or other information on the internet, and to store pictures from her camera and email them to people. That's it. She gets on it maybe 5-6 times a day for a few minutes at a time. A few years down the line, when the computer is old, slow, and the cheap hardware starts to fail, she buys a new one. Most computer users are like my mom. Most computer users have always been best served by a laptop. So these massive sales decreases don't represent the decline of the desktop, they represent the desktop losing a market that it got by default because there wasn't any competition. A desktop is superior to a laptop in almost every way (the one area it loses out on is convenience and portability.) A desktop will be faster, cooler (in the temperature sense,) cheaper, and longer lasting than a comparative laptop - especially if it is built from scratch. If you do more than two or three hours of work at a computer a day in one place, you are better served by a desktop. The difference between 5400 rpm and 7200 rpm won't bother my mom, but someone working for extended periods will. And that's not even bringing 10000 rpm drives into account. Second, dual monitors have been shown to produce a large increase in productivity. If you're plugging your laptop into dual monitors all the time, you're basically using a gimped desktop with none of the advantages of a laptop. Finally, little boosts like cheaper ram, faster processor, and a better videocard all might not make a huge difference, but it adds up to a significantly smoother experience when you're at your computer longer than a half hour. There's also the economics of it. Americans can afford to buy a replacement computer every few years. Most of the rest of the world can't. I can double my desktop's processor speed and add two more cores for $200 - and that's before I overclock it (which I can do because of my large heatsinks and well-ventilated case.) I can spend about $50 a year to keep my desktop cutting edge. I don't even need to buy peripherals more than once, because my monitor, mouse, keyboard, and speakers are going to last me at least 5 more years. So desktops aren't dead. They've just stopped serving a market that didn't really want them in the first place. Desktops are going to be around far longer than the self-important journalists who prophesize their demise, at any rate. I own a desktop and a netbook, because each plays to it's strengths. The netbook is portable, the desktop powerful, and neither is going to die out anytime soon.

Nintendo 64: The Best Multiplayer Console?

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So, full disclosure, I've only ever personally owned two video game consoles: one was the Sega Master System II (which maybe I'll talk about later), and the other was the Nintendo 64. I personally haven't felt the need to invest in any other console since. But unfortunately, last year all of my games and controllers for my N64 were stolen (bummer right?) and I've been unable to play my precious since.


But this summer I've been going through the process of re-buying my peripherals and library of games (and probably picking up a few new ones), because I will be providing the N64 goodness in the living room of an on-campus house come fall semester (which I'm mad exited about). Though I'm not here to ramble on about the N64 being the best console ever (I would never make a claim like that, because it's basically all personal preference/ dependent on the games). Though I do think each console has its strengths and weaknesses, and where the N64 really shines, is multiplayer. Here's why:


~~First off, the hardware, It's designed to work well with multiple people:

~There's four plugs for controllers by default, which is way more convenient than the PS1/2 or any predecessor. Sure, you could buy an adapter, but it's just much more convenient to have four player capability from the get-go. It also means that most games had four player multiplayer support, and developers spent more time refining the multiplayer component.




~The controllers, while a little odd, were pretty damn durable (unless you played a lot of mario party), easy to clean after nights of Mario and Pizza, and introduced some great innovations like joysticks, trigger buttons, and expansion slots. The controller ports also were secure enough, but popped out easily with a good yank, meaning the N64 was immune to overly exited moments, and tripping over the wire wouldn't send the console flying off of the shelf.






~The cartridge system is optimized for multiplayer games. While there were technical disadvantages in the form of small storage size, resulting in stretched, low-res textures (though this was offset by the N64's graphics chip, which was capable of trilinear filtering, making textures smooth). For multiplayer they were awesome. First, cartridges can't be scratched accidentally, and while there were issues (who's never needed to blow on a cartridge?), on the whole they were much more durable than pretty much any other media. They're also much faster, meaning almost zero loading times. Who wants to wait to start up some Smash Brothers or Goldeneye? Not me. Also, the small storage size is much more fitting for a simple multiplayer racing game or fighter rather than a single player epic with large levels or an expansive RPG.





~~Second, It's all in the games, Fu. Let's check out some real multiplayer gems: 




This game redefined the fighter and possibly multiplayer gameplay. The physics of the original stand out to me as being much better than its successors. There's not as many characters as the other games, but damn the original is hard to beat in sheer multiplayer fun. There was a ton of different modes, as well as the ability to fight on a team. The items were fun and varied. I don't think there's any gamer who can't give you a long and hilarious anecdote about a night filled with the original Smash Brothers.






As well as being genre-defining single player classics, Goldeneye and Perfect Dark had insanely fun multiplayer FPS action. Whether it's the satisfaction (or frustration) from blowing someone up with a proximity mine in the library in Goldeneye, or the shared sense of success that comes with ganging up to defeat that PerfectSim in Perfect Dark, both of these were solid contenders for hours of multiplayer fun.






The N64 really excels in racers, and Mario Kart 64 is no exception. Featuring a ton of new game modes as well as full 3d environments, four players, and a whole slew of changes that really solidified the franchise, Mario Kart 64 is a blast.







This game is a tad debatable, as it's primarily a single player game, but the multiplayer is certainly nothing to laugh at. Four players can duke it out in the Arwing aircraft, the Landmaster tank, or as a character on foot, with a bazooka. The single player is also really fun to watch, has a lot of replay value, and is pretty short. The levels are short enough to alternate between people. Not all games need to be the centerpiece of the party, and this is where Starfox 64 really excels.





Futuristic rocket cars WITH WINGS? Check. Highly detailed futuristic version of San Francisco? Check. Awesome multiplayer race modes? Hellz yea check. Rush 2049, as well as enjoying great success in the arcades, had a whole slew of great ways to play in the home. One of my favorites was battle mode, which put you against up to 3 other players in a large map filled with tons of different weapons including rockets, lasers, gatling guns, and sonic blasters, which sent out a shockwave of sound that killed anything within a general area. There's also stunt mode, where players drive around a map filled with ramps, and use their wings to pull tricks and score points. The more insane the stunt, the more points received. There's a slew of customization options, parts and colors for every car. A racing game that really has a ton of great features for every type of racing fan.



~Pokemon Stadium: Sure now it's a little dated, but this game isn't any less fun. And don't forget all of the awesome pokemon-themed mini-games that can be played by up to four people. There's the Ratatat race, the Sandshrew dig competition, Ekans throwing, and a ton of other awesome fun games. The main battle is no multiplayer slouch either, enabling anyone to battle eachother's pokemon. Who doesn't love to see their pokemon battle in full 3D, with a huge crowd cheering them on and the announcers awesome cheesy lines: "Oh it's Charizard!" "But is it down and out!?" and straight from the game boy: "Critical hit! It's Super Effective" Nowadays everyone's got thier old red/blue cartridges lying around with all level 100 pokemon. Well put them to the test!



~Mario Party: A true party video game consisting of 50 mini-games. Mario Party is not only accessible to everyone, but really, really fun. It's led to 7 sequels, and for good reason. There's something for everyone in Mario Party. Be careful, though, the mini-games tend to be hard on your controller. That's mostly because people tend to get really into them.



~Destruction Derby 64: A greatly enhanced version of it's PlayStation counterpart, Destruction Derby 64 is, again, not your typical racer, there's a ton of game modes, including the unique "bomb tag." Bomb tag starts off with up to four players, and several NPCs. There's one "bomb" that can be passed from player to player by crashing into eachother. Hold on to the bomb to score points, but too long, and you'll explode. There's also straight, last-car-standing, destruction derby. And destruction races, where half of the players start at one side of the track, and the other half start at the other end. There's tons of awesome ways to have fun in this game.

There's just so many great multiplayer games out for the N64. I can't highlight all of them, so I'm going to list some more here. These are all N64 games with amazing multiplayer:

Ridge Racer 64
Jet Force Gemini
Worms Armegeddon
F-Zero X
WipeOut 64
Conker's Bad Fur Day
Gauntlet Legends
Wave Race 64
Excitebike 64
Quake 1
Quake 2
Duke Nukem 64
Duke Nukem Zero Hour
Hydro Thunder
Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 2
San Francisco Rush
Rush 2: Extreme Racing USA
Donkey Kong 64
Mortal Kombat 4
Mario Party 2
Star Wars Episode 1: Racer
Pokemon Stadium 2
Mario Party 3
Cruis'n World
Cruis'n Exotica

Hell. Of. A. List. All of these are truly awesome games. Along with some truly awesome PS1 favorites with graphical updates and new modes. There's also Gauntlet Legends, which is a hugely creative four player co-op action RPG. There's WipeOut 64, and the Quake series, which (while the graphics were better on the PC at the time) gives the N64 some great frag action. There's co-op Duke Nukem, the arcade favorite Hydro Thunder, crazy space racer F-Zero X. Jet Force Gemini allowed for third person combat with dogs and rockets, and Conkers Bad Fur Day's multiplayer was just as creative as the single player.

The N64 was by no means the perfect system, and there's a big multiplayer elephant in the room that I haven't talked about yet: Yes the Xbox 360 (also the PC, but I'm talking about consoles here). What with four player wireless controllers, internet connectivity, Guitar Hero, Rock Band, Halo 1-3, Left 4 Dead, Burnout Paradise, Rainbow Six Vegas, and a ton of other great features and games, it's sure giving the N64 a run for its money. Hell, even the Wii has a bunch of N64 games in the virtual console. Still, though, what the N64 did for multiplayer is still trying to be copied today. And certainly during its time, it was the cornerstone of every games party, and every living room that housed it.

Web Clips for 6/18/09

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Yup, my idea of a substantive post is a game review. There will be more substance from other authors here soon.

Download Ubuntu Netbook Remix, it's a flavor of Ubuntu that's optimized for (you guessed it) netbooks. I'd highly suggest at least dual booting and giving it a try, there's a tweaked GUI that makes great use of the little screen real estate you have, as well as a whole bunch of other netbook-centric features. Most people also report a longer battery life. It's also easy to install from a flash drive. Check it out.

A really great 404.

An online database of keyboard shortcuts.

lol, graffiti.

some sweet firefox wallpapers.

And Jonathan Coulton on personal productivity and GTD over at lifehacker.

Yet Another Sandbox Title: A Review of Prototype

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Ugh, I thought I'd never write a review here, it's not like there isn't enough already out there, and no one comes here for reviews, so anything I write about games I tend to try to stay away from just reviewing them, but everything I started writing about this game just turned into a review - or something close enough to a review that it might as well be a review anyway. Anyway:
Ok, Prototype is an "open world" game, which means an inevitable comparison to the Grand Theft Auto series. So here it is: Prototype is like GTA, except you're an unstoppable killing machine, and the zombie apocalypse is involved.
Sound interesting? Triple-A titles tend to do that. Oh yea, this is a big title:
I'm a huge GTA fan and a huge open world fan. I love open world games because they're stress-free. If you don't want to worry about a story, you don't have to. You can just drive around, doing jack shit, playing around with guns and explosions without any motivation to do anything. It's great, and I spend hours doing just that. It's actually rare that I finish the storyline of any given sandbox title.
My latest sandbox game that I'd been sinking countless hours into was GTA 4. Though, it kept pissing me off. You see, I kept longing for the days of GTA 3 and Vice City, where jumping off of the tallest building wouldn't kill you, the cops couldn't take three shotgun blasts to the chest and still shoot, there were tanks, helicopters with missiles, rampage mini-games, and the main character actually wore their seat belt.
I was also sick of the wonky controls. Too often I would try to climb up to a ledge, but instead would vault over it and fall 50 feet to my death. Cuz that's what I wanted. Or I'd be firing an RPG on top of a building, but the game decided that I wasn't actually aiming at the FBI agent below, but the ledge at my feet, and I'd have to watch myself get blown to bits in slow motion. This happened in the earlier games as well, but it wouldn't kill you, so you could do the health cheat afterwards and go back to killing. Sure, the graphics in GTA 4 are better, but hey, the developers name is Rockstar, not Glam Rockstar.
Um, anyway, imagine my delight when I found a game where the main character not only is completely unaffected by gravity, but is also mostly unaffected by explosions. Though he could probably lose the overly-angsty hoody and popped collar.
You are Alex Mercer, a guy who wakes up in a morgue having lost his memory, but gained ridiculous super-powers. Which I would say is a pretty decent trade off. He goes on a hunt to try to uncover why he is the way he is, and kill the people responsible not only for doing this to him, but also for releasing a virus on Manhattan that turns the city into zombies. Or something like that. The story's actually not too bad if you're into the whole "governments are evil" thing. It's told fairly well, cutscenes aren't painful, and voice acting is decent. It's not Deus Ex good, but maybe it's Deus Ex 2.
Though, like Painkiller, It's not really the story that's important. What's important is that you can tear an innocent civilian in two with your bear hands, and absorb their body for health. Your power is basically you can alter yourself at a genetic level, and turn your arms into claws, a giant blade, Hulk fists, a whip thingy, and a giant shield. You can sprout spikes from the ground, shoot tendrils from your palms, and morph into anyone you absorb. There's an absolutely huge list of powers and moves you can buy with experience points (called "evolution points" in the game, which is pretty lame) that you obtain for doing pretty much anything.
In this way it's almost like an RPG, you can choose what powers you'd like to upgrade and taylor them to your playstyle. It's actually what kept me playing the game, because I knew if I finished just one more level I'd get acces to a new ability.
Actually, I'm sick of telling you what the game is about, go read (or skim) the Wikipedia, and Metacritic entries for the game. Good? Ok, moving on.
First, huge props to the devs for the PC version. I was very pleased. There was no apparent DRM of any kind, except for a CD check. The install was simple and went on without a hitch, there was automatic gamepad support, as well as keyboard support, which I know sounds weird, but it's outrageous how many games I play on the PC where, during a tutorial, the game will say something like "Press [Left Trigger] to aim." and I have to open up controls to see what they're talking about. But none of that here. The game also ran exceptionally well on my middle-of-the-road system (and man, it pains me to say that, since just two years ago it was top-of-the-line. Damn you moore's law). I was able to crank up all the shinies (even vsync and AA) and run it at my native resolution of 1680x1050. The game ran smooth and never crashed, which is saying a lot for a 1.0 release. It's really great to see a game that is actually a final product, and not a buggy POS that needs 3 or so patches before it's even remotely playable (here's looking at you, S.T.A.L.K.E.R). The graphics themselves are not really that great, They look almost last-gen with higher res textures, which is unusual for a big title. The game still looks damn good, though. And again, it's not about the graphics as much as it is about killing people. Plus a lot of effort was put into the animations. Everything is very fluid and killing people is very, very satisfying. Most people say that you really should use a gamepad for this game. I used both, and found that I actually liked the keyboard and mouse better. It all comes down to personal preference, but if you're worried about it then I can say it was definitely a better experience with the keyboard and mouse, as the difficult combos and such are simply easier when there's more buttons. Ok, so moving on to that actual game. It starts off really great, once you get past the tutorial levels. But as the story progresses and things move on, the game actually gets significantly worse, for a variety of reasons: 1.) The more powers, abilities, and attacks you gain. The more difficult it becomes to control your character, so what used to be a simple jump or climb, is now a quadruple flip into a glide attack that destroys a city block. It makes simple things like grabbing people (which becomes more and more important) very troublesome. There were many times where I'd try to pick up a gun next to me, but instead would blow up a tank across the street with ground spikes, sending the entire military after me. 2.) The difficulty curve, while somewhat linear, is kinda cheap. So you took out 50 soldiers in the last level? How about 100? You thought 7 tanks and 3 helicopters was easy? Well how about 14 tanks and 6 helicopters? It makes things much more chaotic than they need to be, and combined with reason #1, becomes extremely frustrating and predictable. 3.) The boss battles suffer from the same problem as the difficulty curve, but also, they're FUCKING RIDICULOUS! But not in a good way. Not in the epic way. I remember one of the major boss battles (spoiler) where you fight a main character, Elizabeth Greene, who is literally a giant puffy vagina on a stick. I timed it, and it took me 45 FUCKING minutes to beat her, and I didn't die once. That's just too long. She had so much heath that it just becomes annoying. Here is a 2 part video of a guy doing it in 15ish minutes (which is still a long-ass time for a boss battle), though he has upgrades which you don't have in that portion of that game yet, and has obviously fought her before: Notice she has 4 HUGE HEALTH BARS! WHY ON GODS GREEN EARTH WOULD YOU DO THAT! She spits rocks at you, shoots heat-seeking green energy thingys, sends hunters at you (which are sort of like the zombie equivalent of tanks) as well as a ton of other attacks, and zombies, and the military is also fighting you with everything they have. It's as if the developers realized that they'd made your character too powerful, and tried to compensate. The last boss battle is also stupidly difficult, though a little less absurd. 4.) The missions are rerepepetititivtivee as fuck. Here's the objectives for one of the missions near the end of the game: 1~ Destroy a helicopter before it leaves the area. 2~ Destroy two helicopters before they leave the area. 3~ Destroy three helicopters before they leave the area. 4~ ok, I'm not telling you this one. See if you can guess. That's right, FOUR HELICOPTERS! YAY! AWESOME GAYME DEZINE GUYZZZ! 5.) Free-roam gets less and less appealing as you progress through the game. There is a zombie infection slowly spreading through the city, and while it IS cool to free-roam around a zombie apocalypse for a while, it is a novelty that quickly wears off and I ended up yearning for the ability to explore just plain-old Manhattan. The game makes up for it with the ability to, once you've finished the story, start a new game with all of your existing powers retained. which is cool, but at the beginning you lack the ability to hijack choppers and tanks, which again makes free-roaming not as fun as it could be. 6.) The targeting system is abysmal, and again gets more annoying the more enemies there are and the more chaotic the missions get. So often I'd try to aim at the giant boss charging at me, but the targeting system would decide that it was more important to focus my wrath upon the taxi behind me. All in all though, a whole lot is forgivable when you go back to the fact that you can run through cars and crowds of people with a giant bio-blade. Free-roaming is still a real blast. And not all of the missions are a total bust. Did I mention the bio-blade?
The stealth aspect is actually really well done. It's pretty simple, the devs weren't really out to try anything new and wonky, but what's there is solid and it works. basically one of your powers is the ability to morph into other characters. So to infiltrate a base, you'll consume and morph into a general, then just walk in. It's pretty cool, and you can escape the military this way in free-roam. There's also the affectionately named "patsy" ability, where you accuse others of being you in disguise, and get to watch the other soldiers hesitate, then open fire. It's great. So, overall, this isn't a game that's going to stand the test of time. It's not going to win any awards, and it's not really deep or insightful. But hell, it's a damn fun game, and really, isn't that what we're going for here? I mean c'mon, there's over 20 animations just for eating people. As well as hundreds of other ways to reign destruction and terror upon a city already dealing with a zombie infection. If the missions annoy you, just blow off steam by attacking a military base and watch as the puny soldiers cower at the might of your bio-blade. I've certainly got more than my money's worth, and I'll continue to blow shit up for at least the near future. In fact, I think I've found my new go-to sandbox title.

Web Clips for 6/14/09

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Yea yea, I've missed a few days. I have a good excuse though, I was playing video games. Maybe I'll be doing a review or so soon. And here's a few extra clips for the lateness.

Anyway, get better headphones (also, in the $100 range, I'm a fan of the Allesandro MS-1s and the Audio-Technica ATH-AD700s).

Another quote site, this one's got a great interface that makes it easy to browse.

A cool, cheap-yet-powerful game engine.

Left 4 Dead, in java.

And Stickman Exodus, episode 1.

Mind, prepare to be boggled.

Cool Thing of the Week: Widescreen Gaming Forum Wiki

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So I've mentioned once or twice that I own a netbook, and despite what all the "experts" say it is great for gaming. All you have to do is go back about 9 years and you have a great selection of classics. The thing is, back then widescreen monitors weren't common, so it's very rare for a game to have native widescreen support. While netbooks don't exactly have large screens, they do have a non-standard 1024x600 resolution, making everything looked squashed. Enter the Widescreen Gaming Forum Wiki. This wonderful site contains entries for hundreds of games, detailing if they are capable of widescreen support, what kind, and how to achieve it. For some it's a simple matter of selecting an option in the menu. Other games require registry hacks- which the site walks you through. Still others have had fan-patches made for them and the links are included. So if you have an older game that you're sick of looking squashed on your widescreen monitor, check this site out.

The "Golden Age" of PC Gaming? O RLY?

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I was intrigued when I read about "The Golden age of PC Gaming" (which you should read, it's a good argument, and this post will make a lot more sense having read it. In fact, go read it now. It's OK, I'll wait). I hear a lot of people talk about this "era." They refer to their games from 1997 to 2002 as coming from a time of some sort of enlightened perfection, when graphics didn't need to be that shiny, developers were free to innovate, the average PC could actually run the games, new frontiers were being explored and new, innovative ideas flowed from every EB Games in town. And I agree, to some extent. There were a ton of classics and franchises that got thier start during this time, and some that are still being played to this day (Starcraft, The Sims, Quake 3). However, I'm gonna hafta go ahead and say, that's pretty much all just nostalgia banter.
First of all, PC gaming is what, 27 years old? And you're telling me we're already past our golden age? There's really no more innovation to look forward to? Jeez. Books have been around for thousands of years, and they don't even have a golden age. There was (again, arguably) a golden age of hollywood (1930-1948ish, longer for some), but that had to do with the industry figuring out how to make a ton of moola, and churning out some classics at the same time. Plus the whole depression and war thing, which drew a ton of more people to the movies. And people certainly didn't know it was a golden age only 6 years after it was over. It took a tad longer than that. There's also the issue of playability and ease of use. In this supposed, "golden age" the average joe could install and run most all PC games without a hitch, it was easy. This is true to some extent. Mostly because the Quake 3 engine was so awesome, and full 3D RTS games hadn't really come into play yet. But let's not pretend Windows was any less of an unstable mess than it is now. 98 was an improvement over 95, but still had its issues, and the early days of windows XP weren't so hot either. Oh right, and there was ME, good luck getting a game to run on that. Hell, even today I have issues running some of the old classics. Sure, games may have been less buggy back then, as it was more difficult to roll out patches without today's super-fast internets, so developers had to be more careful before releasing thier games. But a game is a program, and no program is bug-free. Every new game has its fair share of crashes. Besides, it really all depends on the developer/publisher. Buy a game from 2k, Valve, Stardock, Activision, or Codemasters and you're likely to have a less buggy experience than a game from EA, Ubisoft, THQ, or GSC game world. System requirements? Yea, they're tough nowadays, and some of them can get a little confusing for the average guy, but this is offset by digital distribution and automatic patching. You know how easy it is to install a game through Steam? Here's the steps: 1) Buy the game. 2) Wait for it to automatically download and install. 3) Play it. Want to keep all your non-steam games automatically patched and updated? Install Xfire and it does all the work for you. Don't know if a game will run on your computer? There's whole communities out there willing to help, along with simple services like this one. Besides, even the Quake 3 engine was pretty tough on systems when it first came out, but a couple years later, most everyone could run it well, and now we're starting to see many consumer PC's being able to run the Unreal 3 engine (and of course, there's Source).
These "golden age" lovers seem to think there's nothing good about PC gaming today. But C'mon. We're seeing some exiting stuff here. Rise of the indie game developer anyone? Games like Everyday Shooter, Braid, Audiosurf, World of Goo, Aquaria and Garry's Mod to name just a few, are all trying new things and innovating in exiting new ways. There's also small developers begginging to pick up speed. There's The Path, Penumbra, Mount & Blade, Painkiller, all amazing games, all made without millions of dollars, from independant developers. The PC gaming industry is evolving into something else, not something worse. Also, MMORPGs anyone? World of Warcraft will run on just about any computer or laptop around, and there's more than 11.5 million active monthly subscribers. There's also Age of Conan, Eve Online, and City of Heroes to name the big ones. MMORPGs completely reshaped the way we think of games, not to mention opening up new realms of developer/player relationships. They're awesome, they're innovative, and they're not from "the golden age." Even the days before "the golden age" were filled with inventive fun. Adventure games were done right back then. LucasArts' SCUMM engine ruled, with awesomely creative games like Monkey Island, Loom, and Day of the Tentacle. Along with Duke Nukem, Myst, Doom, Quake, Descent, and Civilization. All awesome breakthroughs in gameplay. Which brings me to another important point, the actual games. Let's take a look at some awesome PC titles that were released outside of "the golden age." This is a pretty long (though still very incomplete) list. I just kinda picked my loves, and the ones I know had industry and cultural impact, but there are likely other games out there that I'm missing. So first off, games released from 1990-1993: Sim City 2000 Loom The Secret of Monkey Island Monkey Island 2, Lechucks' Revenge Indiana Jones and the Fate of Atlantis Day of the Tentacle Sam and Max Hit the Road Civilization 1 Neverwinter Nights Alone in the Dark Dune 2 Star Control Star Control 2 Doom Myst Duke Nukem Duke Nukem 2
We got a lot of good shit here, SCUMM engine versions 4 to 6 are used for the previously mentioned Monkey Island and other great adventure games. Alone in the Dark started the entire survival horror genre. Myst became one of the best-selling games of all time. And if that's true, certainly it must have been easy enough to install. We have the first MMORPG too, Neverwinter Nights. Dune 2 pretty much solidified the RTS format. And The Civilization series started here, revolutionizing strategy games and becoming one of the biggest franchises out there today. Next, let's look at 1994-1996: Command and Conquer Civilization 2 Diablo Command and Conquer: Red Alert Descent Descent 2 Doom 2 Quake 1 System Shock 1 Warcraft 1 TIE Fighter The Dig X-COM: UFO Defense Jagged Alliance Warcraft 2 Duke Nukem 3D The Elder Scrolls 2: Daggerfall Tomb Raider MechWarrior 2
So we got the Duke, kickin' ass and chewing bubble gum in feaux 3D. X-COM refining the RTS to almost perfection. LucasArts still had it back then with The Dig and TIE Fighter. Warcraft saw its begginings here, as did Descent, Quake, Tomb Raider, Diablo, Command and Conquer, C&C: Red Alert, and System Shock. All awesome, all revolutionary, all before the "golden age." Now we're moving on to after the "golden age" where console-tards started tainting the ingenuity of developers, DRM became rampant and started ruining ease of installation, gameplay and creativity was sacrificed for shinies, which required more and more expensive hardware to run, oh, and all of these great games came out for PC. We'll start from 2003-2005: Half-Life 2 Civilization 4 Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas Far Cry Call of Duty 1 Grand Theft Auto: Vice City Wolfenstien: Enemy Territory Galactic Civilizations Painkiller Counter-Strike: Source Day of Defeat: Source Beyond Good and Evil Psychonauts Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time Darwinia Unreal Tournament 2004 Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell Rise of Nations Warcraft 3: The Frozen Throne World of Warcraft Max Payne 2: The Fall of Max Payne Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic Homeworld 2
Geez what a list. First off, yes, I know some of these came out for consoles as well, but I was never talking about PC exclusive games. And hey, most titles from the "golden age" were on the consoles too, including Quake 3, Deus Ex, even The Sims. Plus you can't expect the industry not to shift over time, and here we began to see a lot of games released on multiple platforms. Anyway, the biggest one here is probably Half-Life 2, which is still regarded as the single greatest PC game ever. Far Cry is debatable, as it represents the rise of shinies replacing gameplay, but it did start the open-world FPS. Psychonauts was awesome, as was Beyond Good and Evil, some super-creative 3D platforming there. World of Warcraft is here, and we see a huge rise in the popularity of online games. Unreal Tournament 2004, Call of Duty, and Wolfenstien ET all had very large online communities that are still fairly strong today. Oh, and Counter Strike: Source is one of the most popular online action games of all time, played by both average joe and hardcore gamer alike. And finnally, 2006-Present: The Orange Box Bioshock Portal Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare Team Fortress 2 Fallout 3 Grand Theft Auto 4 Left 4 Dead World in Conflict Galactic Civilizations 2 Race Driver: GRID Civilization 4: Beyond the Sword Half-Life 2: Episode 1 Half-life 2: Episode 2 The Elder Scrolls 4: Oblivion Flatout 2 Battlefield 2142 Sam and Max Season 1 Sins of a Solar Empire
Ok, yea, I named The Orange Box, as well as all of the games that are in The Orange Box, but Portal is amazing and deserves it's own love. As does TF2, and pretty much every game in The Orange Box. Also, the system requirements for The Orange Box? A Pentium 4 Processor, 1GB of RAM, and a DirectX 9 level graphics card. And those are the reccomended specs. How hard is it to install? Oh right, you get it through Steam. And game quality? Oh right, it's the freaking Orange Box. So, games today are crap are they? There's a ton of other games here that I will be playing years from now. Left 4 Dead is classic already, Co-Op is here to stay. Grand Theft Auto 4 was a cinematic achievement (despite it's admittedly shitty PC release). Call of Duty 4's multiplayer will stand out as unique, balanced, original, and fun as hell. World in Conflict gives us a new angle on the RTS genre. There's so many great, inspired games out today. Also, I didn't even mention all of the great amazing indie titles that have come out in the past couple of years. But to name a few: Light of Altair, And Yet It Moves, Crayon Physics Delux, The Path, Defcon, The Maw, Toribash, as well as the ones mentioned earlier. All of these games have great graphics, great gameplay, will run stable on pretty much anything, and they're fun as hell (admittedly I'm not through all of them yet, but I have yet to be dissapointed and you wont find a negative review out there). Also, they're exclusive to the PC, and most are available on Steam. So, I guess there you have it. Culture changes, industries change, technology changes, but there's always creative people out there making great video games. There are even those who think that now is the greatest time to be a gamer. And that, "If you can't find something to play -- something amazing -- you're just not looking." As video games in general rise in popularity, I see only a brighter, bigger future for PC games, where the hardcore gamer and average joe live in harmony, and new, exiting ideas are seen everywhere. The gaming generation is growing up, computers are more powerful and more portable than ever, and video games are more and more often seen as a valid artistic medium. All of this can only lead to good things. Boy, if I didn't know better, I'd say we're entering a golden age right now.

Why Valve Sucks More

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So, I began commenting on Bobbicus' post, with a few more things to add about Valve's suckage, but it was a *tad* longer than I thought, so here it is. WHY VALVE SUCKS PART 2 1) This has basically already been said, but: Half-life 3. NO, I don't want another Half-Life 2 episode. Half-Life 3. Give it to me. It's gotten to the point where this is starting to turn into another Duke Nukem Forever (knock on wood). And we know how well that turned out. 2) And I know Bobbicus disagrees with me on this one: The source engine, it's old as fuck, we're talking 6 years here, that's my grandma in video game engine years. There's basic elements of the engine that are outdated and wonky, and no matter how much valve makes it shiny, most all other major engines around today offer so much more utility and realism. We need Source 2. Valve seems to be following the same style as Intel's CPU's (stay with me here). They only innovate when they have to, and then they just ramp up the clock speed of their processors to stay with the market until they start to fall behind, and need to innovate again. Sure their processors are the fastest, but is it really adhering to Moore's law? This is exactly what Valve does with their engine. It's lazy, and it needs to stop. 3) Two words: Lost Coast. 4) Ok, Valve Support, It's awful. There's countless stories of woe from the alleged, "Steam Support," but I think I'll share one of my own. I bought Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas through Steam, and for whatever reason, I was having issues downloading it. It took me hours of trying to fix my network until I found out in a small thread posted by a service rep on the steam forums, that the problem was in fact, on the server side. So I tried to call someone, and I quickly found out that there's NO ONE you can call for help. So, I "filed a support request" at steam support, which is basically just a useless FAQ, and how quickly did they reply? that's right, NEVER. Weeks later, through some miracle I finally got the game downloaded, and it wouldn't run. So I once again scoured hopelessly through the support forums, filled with people all having similar issues to me, all unresolved, and I finally figured out that the game had been released without being "optimized" for steam distribution (yea, oops). I had to download a patch, through steam. It took a week to download, and it still didn't work. You know how I finally got the game to play? I downloaded the .gcf files from some sketchy russian rapidshare site. To this day, I've paid for a game I don't own. Yup, digital distribution is the way of the fucking future. I can't wait. 5) iTunes syndrome: Like iTunes, everything you do in Steam has to be done the Steam way. You don't own your games, you own "a license to play your games." Valve reserves the right to do whatever they want with your games and your account whenever they feel like it. You HAVE to use steam to play your games. You MUST be online to play them, even the single player ones. You can't back up your games, unpacking a .gcf file is illegal. 6) The actual Steam software. Steam is bloated as shit, slow as shit, EATS bandwidth like nobody's business, crashes a lot, updates without telling you and forces a restart, downloads things without telling you and is all around a terrible program. It's no wonder Gabe Newell worked at Microsoft. As much as I hate on them, they are still the single greatest current major video game company (apart from maybe Stardock), and leaps and bounds ahead of ubisuck and electronic ass. Most of these complaints are more minor than I make them seem, and I'm literally about to go play Half-life 2 with my dad (a post on that later). If only it were Half-Life 3.

Fanboi part II

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So my post on Fanboism was more than a little fanboish itself, which is ok, because I think Valve totally deserved it. Being a great company, however, does not excuse you from making mistakes or being a douchebag. To illustrate this, I present to you WHY VALVE SUCKS 1) Steam offline mode is worthless. Complete and total fail. It doesn't work half the time and locks you out of your purchased games. Seriously, it sucks and needs to be fixed. 2) Valve anti-cheat banhammer - In case you didn't know, if you are suspected of cheating Valve can label you a cheater, meaning you can't play on any VAC servers (that means pretty much all of them) and you're stuck playing on shitty servers out in Hong Kong with a 9992485928349982934 ping. What really sucks is there is no appeals process, no chance to protest or prove your innocence, and it applies to all of your games. Harsh stuff. I've never been on the receiving end, but I'm still freaked out by it. 3) Valve can disable your account. Valve reserves the right to cancel your account and prevent you from playing your games. This sucks, and bothers me quite a bit. In fact, if I can buy a game through a service other than steam, I will, for this exact reason. I think Steam is a solid app and a great platform, but I'm really wary of anyone else having that kind of power over things I've paid money for. 4) Half Life 2 source code theft - this was seriously sad, folks. A German hacker apparently got a keylogger onto Gabe Newell's computer, then stole the HL2 alpha after the game was officially announced in 2003. Not only was this an epic fail of security measures at Valve, it also revealed that HL2 was nowhere near finished. Shortly after this, the game's launch date was pushed back a year. They did kind of make up for this though, by offering the hacker a job at valve, even going so far as to arrange a flight for him to the United States - with FBI waiting at the gate. Unfortunately, this lulzy bit of revenge was thwarted by the German equivalent, who caught the guy before he could leave. 5) Half-Life: Source. This game is still awesome (it's Half-Life!) but it should have been a freebie, though $10 ain't terrible if you don't already have Valve's first masterpiece. Really, though, it was rather pointless. 6) Half-Life 2 ending. 'Nuff said. 7) Glacial development times. Although this is justified as it results in pure awesome, the fact remains that it's a long, long wait in between Valve games. It's so unusual, that when they release more than one game in two years, people go apeshit and start frothing at the mouth because their minds cannot comprehend it. So there you go. Most of Valve's suckage is concentrated in Steam, otherwise it's pretty damn hard to really hate them. They're not perfect, but they're still awesome. Of course, I would love for everyone to chime in and add their thoughts on the suckage of Valve. It's always important that everyone screws up and does stupid things sometimes, even your favorite people.

Web Clips for 6/3/09

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That's right, my web clips are daily now - well, as daily as I can make them. There will be less clips in each post, but hey, they're daily. Anyway, this is really, really fun to play with. Make your own full featured cardboard laptop case. Beat shit up in slo-mo. And how Apple controls your mind.

Wiki of the Week: Memory Alpha

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That's right, Memory Alpha is a wiki devoted entirely to Star Trek (well, Star Trek canon anyway), and with over 30,000 articles, it's one of the biggest wiki projects out there today. This is a great resource for both the guy who's just seen the movie and wants to know more, and the resident geek who thinks he's seen it all.
I guarantee you, no matter how much you think you know about Star Trek, you can still spend hours surfing these awesome and really well done articles. They even have detailed information for every single Star Trek year. There's also spoiler warnings on the newer stuff.
A really fun way to brush up on history before a marathon, or just browse and geek out.
And "Memory Alpha" on Wikipedia.

Geeky/Random Web Clippings

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Apparently post frequency is the new theme here at The Tartar Sauce. Either that, or I've finally become bored with playing video games 24/7, yet still have nothing to do but update a blog. Anyway, here's some random shit from these here internets:

ZeFrank's Gyro.

Draw online, and share it with others.

Some clever advertising.

stomp-esque web short.

Midomi, a music search engine that lets you sing, hum, or tap the tune to find the music.

Screamin' Beans, if you click one thing here, click this.

Remember when the Zune was a big joke?

And finally, for Pat, a random Alias Generator.

Games As Art: Round Two - Repudiating Ebert's Argument, finding Art in GTA III

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So now I shall continue my argument for games as art. My previous post on the matter, for those who do not wish to suffer through it, can be summed up as follows: Games are a revolutionary art form which use the interactivity between a user and program to create an experience that expresses a significant message, statement, or emotional state. Before I resume my argument, I would like to respond to Jake's marvelous post. Thank you Jake, for proving my most important point - that "art" is different to different people. Jake seems to find any act of creation a work of art, the only quality that can be called into question is the craftsmanship and effectiveness of the product. My view is slightly different, in that Art (with a capital A, mind you) requires intent behind it other than making a profit - hence why most games are disqualified. For example, I don't really consider the Mona Lisa Art. It's a masterpiece of a painting, but as far as I can tell, it's just a portrait, a master painter's attempt to render a compelling image as true to life as possible. Honestly, I don't care - it doesn't change the fact that it's a beautiful and compelling painting. But I digress. Ebert's main argument against games is as follows: "There is a structural reason for that: Video games by their nature require player choices, which is the opposite of the strategy of serious film and literature, which requires authorial control." Anyone who has ever played or designed a game can tell that Mr. Ebert has done neither. Allow me to point out the biggest hole in this argument: Every one of those player choices has to be programmed by a designer. Every last one. In fact, this vision of games as full of player choice is something that the industry has been pursuing for years, with varying degrees of success. Player choice in games, especially with regards to how it affects the overall vision, are miniscule. Let's take GTA III as our example: This game is heaped with praise about being open ended and driven by player choice, and yet there really isn't all that much freedom, from a narrative perspective. Sure, you can run around and cause mayhem and hijack cars at will, but to experience anything other than a very basic game, one has to engage in tightly scripted missions. A player also has no control over the narrative - every player who finished the game is going to complete the main missions, and get the exact same ending. You can't undermine the premise of the game (being a criminal in faux-NYC) by, say, turning yourself in and working as an informant. And why not? Because the designers did not want the player to have that option. One might say that such an option is denied the player by those with "authorial control." Moving on, I would like everyone here to recall the last literature class that you had. Somebody in that class (and this always happens) brought up some exteremely tenous or subtle symbolism, or metaphor, or something, and you thought to yourself "What? You, good Sir (or Madame, for the gentler sex is no less inclined to such flights of fancy), are reading far too much into this. Or perhaps you are making this shit up." Possibly at the time you were polishing your monocle, or puffing thoughtfully on a pipe. The point is, it's very easy to read complexity and depth into things where it doesn't exist. As an example, I'm going to employ GTA III again. Observe: *Ahem* Grand Theft Auto III, or GTA III as it is more commonly known, is largely acclaimed within gaming circles as being brilliant and denounced by everyone else as a corrupting "murder simulator" that sickens the minds of young innocents. However, both parties are missing out on the subtle commentary that GTA provides both on American culture and the Human Condition. GTA is a hyper-violent game set in a city that is clearly directly inspired by New York City. The story follows the rise of a criminal as he shoots, steals, and murders his way to the top of the criminal underworld. Every "mission" assigned to the player by his superiors invariably involves destruction - whether it is murdering the key witness in a case, or "whacking" an informant, or even destroying a cargo ship used by a rival gang to move drugs. But this seemingly mindless violence is very intentional, both in its hyperbolic intensity and seemingly bad taste. Our first clue to the true nature of this game is its developers, Rockstar, a company based in England. Thus the game is by its very nature a commentary on Amercian culture by an outside observer. By examining the game, we can see certain elements popping up time and time again: 1) A glorification of weapons and violence 2) Material possesions being elevated above human life (the notorious "killing a hooker for cash") 3) The relative value placed on human life, especially those of poor and minorites, is very little 4) There is little confidence in the ability of the police to protect citizens, in fact, the police are brutal and seem to relish in using brutality for offences against officers, even minor ones such as lightly bumping a police car with your own. Traffic violations, however, are ignored, as is behaving like a hooligan and recklessly endangering others. This seems to suggest a perception of the Police force as an establishment unconcerned with the maintainence of an orderly society, and more with protecting its own members and standing. In fact, the stiffest penalty faced by even a mass murderer caught by the police is an afternoon in jail and a fine. 5) There is no way for the player to progress in society without resorting to crime. This can be read as a commentary on the idea of the "American Dream" and upward mobility, or rather the lack of it for those without connections or money. In a more meta narrative, the game says this about players: 1) People will enjoy engaging in consequence-free depravity. 2) Most players will at some point, for pure amusement, use weapon and armor cheats to rampage through the city with no intention other than to cause as much mayhem as possible. 3) There are few consequences for failure, even death is little more than a hassle. 4) Massive numbers of people enjoy the extreme violence, over the top gore, and large quantities of sex. These things hold mass appeal Thus, a discerning look at GTA will reveal that there is quite a statement being made about how America is percieved by the outside world. The Hyper-violence and sex-crazed game is actually quite subtle in its message. See? You can do this to any game. Look at it from a different angle and WHAM! Instant Depth! Now I'm pretty sure that the above was not what Rockstart had in mind when they were creating the game, so I wouldn't call it art. In fact the above is bullshit. It's interesting to think about, and (if I say so myself) could be used as the basis for some very interesting discussions, but I really just pulled it out of my ass for this article. The fact remains that games can say a lot if you are willing to look carefully. Next: The Impact of Commercialization on Games As Art, plus a critique of System Shock 2 followed by a side by side comparision of than game and Bioshock. Then: Interactivity as an Art form, Planescape: Torment critique.

Games as Art: The Marriage of Mechanics and Mesage. Also, a critique of Bioshock

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Are videogames art? Simple question, eh? Most gamers would answer with a resounding yes, others (such as Roger Ebert) say no. Frankly I think it's pointless. For one thing, the question assumes that everyone agrees on what art is. This is not true. You ask a thousand different people that question and you will get a thousand different answers. In fact, if one reads Roger Ebert's rebuttal to Clive Barker's comments, you see that their difference is much deeper than whether or not videogames are art - they disagree on what art is. Ebert wants a single coherent experience, whereas Barker bestows the title on anything which creates a profoundly moving experience. Even among general accepted visions of Art, there are differences. A Jackson Pollock piece is considered Art for far different reasons than the Mona Lisa. Another problem is that most people who are upset at Ebert over his comments confuse Artistry with Craftsmanship. There are a lot of really well done games out there. That does not necessarily mean that they are Art. So my definition of a game that qualifies as art would be the following: A interactive work which conveys a message, both through content and game mechanics. The last part is particularly important. In my definition, in order for a game to be art, the mechanics have to mesh with the message. Why? Because otherwise your message becomes window dressing. Let's take the critical darling Bioshock as an example. CASE STUDY: BIOSHOCK Spoilers on the game Bioshock will appear in the following few paragraphs. Quick crash course for those unfamiliar with the title: Bioshock is a first person shooter developed by Irrational Games (the studio was bought by 2K and the name changed to 2K Boston, a slap in the face to the team, really.) It is touted as a "spiritual successor" to System Shock 2, widely hailed as one of the greatest games of all time. Backstory: Bioshock is set in Rapture, an underwater Utopia built by a man named Ayn Rand - er, Andrew Ryan, sorry- who was quite a fan of laissez-faire style capitalism. Rapture had little to no regulation (apart from basics like "don't kill people or take their stuff") and no such thing as taxes. It was a free society, where the only thing deciding succes was personal skill and ambition. Unfortunately, that all went to hell when parasites were discovered on the ocean flor that contained a mysterious substance called Adam, which allowed genetic manipulation. With this people could change anything they wanted about themselves, from their appearance to wether or not they could shet things on fire with their mind. Unfortunately, a man named Frank Fontaine controlled the supply of Adam, which made him extremely powerful. Ryan, fearing that Adam would destroy his precious city, began betraying his own principles and made the substance illegal. Things went downhill from there, especially as people discovered that tinkering with your genes made you completely insane, craving more and more Adam. Eventually the city descends into utter chaos, which is when the player crashes into the ocean right next to the lighthouse which houses the entrance to Rapture. Gameplay: The player follows a linear path through rapture, killing any splicers he runs across and following the directions of a man named Atlas (subtle) who tells him what to do via a radio. There a variety of ways to do this. Conventional firearms are present throughout the game, as are plasmids. One of the big selling points of the game were Plasmids, essentially magic spells (plotwise powers granted through genetic mutation). These include electric bolt (which also electrifies water), pyrokenisis, telekinesis, plasmids which disable security cameras, and plasmids which enrage enemies into attacking their neighbors. There are also "tonics", which are Plasmids that are always on. These generally involve increasing damage done, reducing damage taken, and increasing the effectiveness of certain weapons or plasmids. A player is limited in how many plasmids and tonics they can have, but can purchase slots for both as well as the actual abilities themselves from vending machines scattered around the game, using Adam. The player's primary source of Adam is the Little Sisters, who are little girls genetically engineered to harvest and store Adam. In order to harvest them, the player has to kill their protector (the dudes in diving gear in pretty much every screenshot of the game) and then either "kill" the girl for lots of Adam, or "save" her by removing the parasite for slightly less Adam. The girls themselves are invincible, the parasites in them healing them instantly until you rip them out of their bodies. In addition to killing things, the player can hack most machinery. Hacking is a minigame (basically a version of the classic pipe game) that, if successfully accomplished, allows you to turn turrets against enemies, boobytrap health stations, and get stuff cheaper from vending machines. Finally, if a player dies, he is revived in "Vita-Chambers" with half health. Enemies, however remain at the status they were before the player died. Essentially there's no penalty for dying. Critique: Let me start by saying that Bioshock's setting is absolutely inspired. The underwater city of Rapture is hauntingly beautiful, superbly designed, and refreshingly unique. The story is also intriguing, about a man who started a city with grand ideals, and then became corrupted by power and betrayed those ideals in order to cling to authority. Andrew Ryan's death is moving, in part because of the shocking revelation you recieve, and in part because it is his redemption, his refusal to sacrifice the last belief he hasn't gone back on - "A man chooses, a slave obeys." With all of this wonderful backstory and setting, people have been raving about Bioshock, hailing it as the dawn of a new age of videogames. There's just one tiny problem. Bioshock is not about how men can become inhuman for the sake of survival or power. Bioshock is about shooting things. There's an old axiom of hollywood: "The story comes first." Well videogames also have an axoim: "The gameplay comes first." This is true not only of design, but of conveying a message. In order to find out what a game is saying (not necessarily what the designers are trying to say, which is sometimes completely different), all you have to do is break down what you spend your time doing. In Bioshock, what you do is run around and kill everything in sight, upgrade your ability to kill things, then resume killing things, occaisionally interacting with an object that will open the door and allow you to continue killing things. Everything in the game, from Plasmids to item fabrication, revolves around the player killing the inhabitants of Rapture. Hell, there's not even a modicum of deciding what to kill, the only non-enemies you encounter are invincible. There's not even the threat of death, as magical respawn points litter each level. So what message does Bioshock convey? Certainly not the high-minded (and quite good) narrative that it wraps itself in. Bioshock's message is if it moves, kill it. Bioshock's much touted "morality" is pathetic. Do you slaughter little girls for your own benefit? Or do you "save" them by killing their protectors, removing their invincibility, then casting them off to roam a underwater hellhole populated by mutant freaks who will kill them on sight? Even then, there is no tangible loss to doing what's right - you are rewarded quite well for saving little girls, in fact, you gain unique plasmids. So the choice is less "what are you willing to do to survive?" and more "are you a sadistic killer of children?" Now this wasn't the original plan for Bioshock. The original concept was for Rapture to be an of open world where fighting splicers would be an extremely risky buisiness, death would be just around the corner, and getting in a fight would be entirely avoidable. Unfortunately, the designers erred on the side of mass consumption, and significantly simplified the content of the game in order to cater to the bottom denominator. So what would Bioshock have to do differently in order to meet my definition of art? Let's say we wanted Bioshock to convey the following message both in story and gameplay: Every man has his principles, but each principle has a point where it is overridden by self-preservation. Also, he who fights the monster must be careful not to become the monster. Storywise, Andrew Ryan's principles of free market and no regulation were cast aside when he began to lose power. Gameplaywise, several things could be done: 1) Make the Little Sisters as human as possible, and the only way to get Adam from them would be to actually kill them. Not in a cutscene that fades to black at the moment, but actually making the player pull the trigger (or click the mouse, in this case) and end their life. 2) Make Adam vital. Bioshock is easily beaten with the very first weapon you pick up (the wrench) and the very first plasmid you find laying on the ground (the electric bolt.) These two weapons, used in conjunction, are extremely effective. The only real reason to purchase other plasmids is to play around with new ways of killing things. Make hacking an ability upgraded by Adam, forcing a player to spend limited resources wisely. 3) Make confrontations deadly. An encounter with a splicer should always be potentially deadly. 4) Make ammunition scarcer. 5) If you must have a way to save the little sisters, then make it be an resource-intensive process that forces you to use up precious supplies for altruism. 6) Make the player susceptible to splicer madness. Currently the player can load up on genetic mutations with no ill effect. It would have much more impact if each Plasmid gained added a cost of some kind, either a requirement to consume Adam or suffer damage, or insanity effects, or someting else entirely. 7) No free revival. Ideally no revival at all. 8) Instead of a linear path through multiple locations, have the locations all interconnect, with multiple paths to allow a player to try and avoid large packs of splicers. So what would these changes give us? A game where the player is thrust into hell underwater, where powerful mutants roam looking for their next Adam fix. At first, the player can get by without plasmids, but in order to escape, he has to travel deeper and deeper into the depths of rapture, where more powerful enemies force him to modify his DNA in order to complete. Ideally the player would gradually feel more and more inadequte, until even the most principled of gamers breaks down and slaughters a little sister - "Just one, only because I must to survive, no more after this," etc. The player could go to town with upgrading himself, becoming super powerful but also having a nearly unsatiable apetite for Adam, or he could squander precious resources in order to save the little sisters. Thus, the gameplay mechanics would reinforce the themes in the plot, and you would have Art. Now, would such a game have sold nearly as well as Bioshock did? Of course not. Art is generally not suited to mass consumption, and frankly such a game would be kind of depressing. It's certainly not fantastical escapist entertainment. But it would be brilliant - a game about a city of people who were pushed until they broke, pushing a player until he broke - that's art. There's another aspect of Bioshock that's heralded as brilliant, and that's its meta narrative. In Bioshock, you are forced to do things that most sane people would not do in order to progress the plot. One infamous example is the first plasmid you recieve. It's a brass syringe, laying on the damp floor of a decrepit underwater city, and you're told to inject yourself with the contents. For all you know, that could be filled with sewer waste, and yet you can't proceed until you pick it up and stick it in your arm. Later, it's explained that you are a mutant created by Frank Fontaine to assasinate Adam Ryan, and that you literally have to obey any command proceeded by the words "Would You Kindly..." It's absolutely brilliant. After all, in all games you are forced to perform certain actions in order to continure, because there's a limit to how much can be programed in and if you don't progress, the game sort of just stops. Bioshock acknowledges this, then incorporates this aspect of gameplaying into the plot. Why am I doing what the strange man on the radio is telling me to do? Why can't I just put the damn thing down and wander around on my own? Because I physically can't, I'm brainwashed into doing what he says, and of course I have no idea, because I'm brainwashed. It's pure genius. In fact, Bioshock could do none of the things I mentioned above and it would still be art if it managed to pull this off. Unfortunately, it doesn't. Towards the end of the game, you are released from this mental control, and yet you still have to do exactly what someone else tells you to do. Despite being released from your brainwashing, you still follow someone else's orders to the letter. Plotwise, there's no real reason to. No longer being compelled to follow orders, you could just grab a radio, hed back to the surface, and get your ass out of crazy town. Instead, you have to help save the little sisters. In doing so, you do more insane things, like turn yourself into a big daddy (an irreversible process that goes away in the next scene.) And thus, the brilliant meta narrative falls on its face. In order to make it work, they would have had to open the last bit of the game up. Honestly, even a simple choice would have done: You could help save the little sisters, or you head back to the Bathysphere and go to the surface, abandoning everyone in the crazy underwater city to their fate. Any kind of choice. Alas, instead of being groundbreaking, the endgame is completely cliché, ending in a lame escort mission followed by a shitty boss fight (the two most overused and despised techniques in game making.) Bioshock is nothing more than a standard FPS in a pretty package. So close, and yet so very far from being art. LABORIOUSLY LONG CASE STUDY OVER Of course, Bioshock wasn't meant to be art, and its unfair to fault it for pandering to the masses. Bioshock was fun, stylish, and very well done. I liked Bioshock a good deal. I don't feel it is a spiritual successor to System Shock 2 in any way other than it ripped off mechanics and plotlines to the point of being plagiaristic, but that doesn't mean it was a bad game. On the contrary, it's a great game. It just could have been so much more (and was going to be, if you listened to Ken Levine's pre release promises to fans of SS2.) In a nutshell, that's the main reason why most videogames can't be art - they're built for mass appeal and big sales, not message or impact. Gaming is still a commercial enterprise, and thanks to gluttonous addiction to graphical technology the cost to produce a "competitive" title is far beyond anyone without publisher support - and publishers don't like innovation. It's not a guaranteed return. There are other obstacles to games being recognized as high art - they require a large time commitment, specialized skill sets, and have a tiny tiny shelf life. How many people can pack into a theater to watch a movie? Plus, if you miss the theatrical run, there's a DVD release out in a few weeks. Hell, we can watch movies over a century old on DVD, but we can't play games from 5 years ago on Windows Vista. Books can take more time commitment, but reading is something most people do when they're young. Controlling an FPS can be quite difficult if you didn't grow up doing it. And really, if most gamers can't even finish all their games, how can we get others to make the commitment? I'll touch more on these later, as this post is freakin' massive already, but let me wrap up with this statement: I disagree with Mr. Ebert. I believe the the fact that games are interactive is not preventing them from being art, but in fact makes them the most revolutionary and exciting form of art that Man has yet to experience. I agree with him that the vast majority of games on the market are not art, but I maintain that the medium itself is full of potential just waiting to be tapped. Next time, I'll write about other impediments to games being accepted as art, as well as critique a game that I do believe is a work of art.