New Music Reviews

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(Don't let the title fool you, these are just new reviews of old music).
So right now I'm back in LA, enjoying the interesting people, the incredible food, and of course the sunshine. But I have noticed upon being back that western Massachusetts is far superior to LA in one regard: its record stores. While on any given weekend at college I can take a bus for ten or twenty minutes and be in the vicinity of two or three record stores that have great selections and cheap prices, in LA the record store is a dying institution. When I was in high school, I used to get all my music from Tower Records, but that closed during my senior year. Since then I have had three options: Hear Music, which has a great selection in most genres and is close to my house, but is severely lacking in other genres and is way overpriced; Second Spin, which is close and cheap but has a horrible selection; and of course Amoeba, quite possibly the best record store in the world, a store where whenever I go there I usually spend over $100 on CDs that cost less than $10 each, but which is unfortunately much farther from my house than the other two, so I usually have to set aside an entire day to go there. Since Hear Music has closed since I started this last semester of college, Amoeba is basically my only source for music in LA now, so I decided to make a trek there with a few of my friends and stock up on new music. Here's what I found: Trojan Jamaican Superstars Box Set
Anyone who knows me well knows how much I love reggae, and I don't know how I would be able to feed this passion without Trojan box sets. The Trojan record company has released over 50 box sets of solid, solid reggae, each with a different theme, and the great thing about them is that they contain 50 tracks each and sell for $25 at most. While inevitably there are a few below average songs on each box set, you still get tremendous value, paying way less for each song than you would on the iTunes store. Some of my favorite boxes are Trojan Originals, which compiles the original versions of 50 reggae songs that have been covered by non-Jamaican artists; Trojan Rare Grooves, a compilation of 50 of the rarest reggae singles; and Trojan Reggae Chill, which is self-explanatory. Jamaican Superstars is structured a bit differently from the other boxes that I have; each disc only features two different artists, making the box set more like six mini-best-of's. I've gone through the first two discs and listened to samples from the careers of Gregory Isaacs, Delroy Wilson, Alton Ellis, and Pat Kelly, and I have to say that this is one of the better Trojan box sets I own. While there isn't much variety (I mean, what do you expect from a reggae compilation?), both discs are consistently stellar. I haven't made my way through disc 3 yet, but I expect it to be just as good, especially since one of the featured artists is John Holt, who recorded "Ali Baba," one of my favorite reggae songs.
Grandaddy: Just Like The Fambly Cat and The Sophtware Slump
I've been wanting to get into Grandaddy for a while; they did the theme song for one of my favorite TV shows, and from what I'd heard of them before they combine the best elements of other 90s alt/indie bands that I like, such as Blur, They Might Be Giants, and Weezer. The two albums that I got did not disappoint. Just Like The Fambly Cat contains some terrific nerd rock ballads like "Summer... It's Gone" and "This Is How It Always Starts," but my favorite ones had to be the new wavey "Skateboarding Saves Me Twice" and "Elevate Myself," which sounds like it was played on a Casio keyboard. The Sophtware Slump is even better. The 9 minute long opener, "He's Simple, He's Dumb, He's The Pilot" immediately drew me in, and every song on the entire album is a perfect balance of loud guitar rock, cheesy synth pop, and weird electronic music, with lots of cool effects (especially on "Jed's Other Poem) and clever lyrics (especially on "Broken Household Appliance National Forest"). Anyone who likes 90s alt rock should give this album a listen.
Asobi Seksu: Live at the Echo
Another indie band that I've been wanting to get into for a while, although their sound is much more influenced by 80s shoegaze than 90s nerd rock. This Asobi Seksu live album was all they had at Amoeba, and I wasn't sure whether or not I should buy a live album before getting any of their studio releases, but I decided to buy it anyway after my friend told me that they're great live. And indeed they are. Despite the fact that the instruments are a little out of balance, the terrific song structures and musicianship shine through; my favorite tracks were "New Years," "Strings," and of course the cover of "And Then He Kissed Me." Listening to this live album just makes me want one of their studio albums even more. A Tribe Called Quest: People's Instinctive Travels and the Paths of Rhythm
I basically bought this album for "Can I Kick It?," "Bonita Applebaum," and "I Left My Wallet In El Segundo," but every song is of the same quality as these three. While the rhymes are clever and unique, the beats and the samples are what truly stand out for me. Every single beat on this album is sick, and each track contains layers of samples that work together to create amazing sounds. I definitely noticed The Beatles, Earth Wind & Fire, and of course Lou Reed on my first listen, and I really want to listen to it again to see what else pops out. As solid as the entire album is though, I still have to say that "Can I Kick It?" is my favorite. Everything on that track just adds up to create one of the chillest rap songs I've ever heard. I definitely have to give this album a few more good listens though, because I'm sure some of the other tracks will grow on me. Isaac Hayes: Hot Buttered Soul
Incredible. I don't think I can say anything more about this album that hasn't already been said. Only Isaac Hayes can make a 15 minute long Burt Bacharach song this good. So... yeah. That's it for my reviews. Now I'm set for music until I go back to school.

Simple DVD Burning in Linux with DeVeDe

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I usually use DVD Flick to convert, author, and burn dvd's in windows and until recently, in Linux too with wine. Unfortunately, the latest version wasn't working for one reason or another, and I decided to look for an alternative, perhaps something Linux native (I've only brought my laptop home for christmas break and it runs Linux. XP drivers aren't available for it so my only choices were Linux or Vista). Anyway, I've always found authoring and burning a DVD natively under Linux to be a little complicated, if not just plain anoying. Not that I don't roll up my sleeves and break out the CLI when things need to get done, but come on. I'm on vacation here, and if there's a simple way where I can just click through a few menus and go watch TV then I'd rather do that.
Enter DeVeDe: a fairly-simple-yet-still-powerful authoring tool that only requires around five dependencies. You pick your titles and files, select your options in a faux-wizard format, and boom. An .iso ready for burning and watching. There's even options for creating DVD menus for chapters and episodes, and a good amount of the advanced options for bit rate and such can be found. A really nicely done program overall. It's apparent that a lot of thought was put into making the program easy to use without leaving power users in the dark. There's also a Windows version that might even pry me away from DVD flick. Happy burning. (All images from the DeVeDe website)

You May Have Noticed, I am a Genius

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As you may have noticed, I figured out how to create expandable post previews on selected posts (which Blogger does not allow and no current coding effort allows selectable previews). This is a feat others have only been able to dream of until now. I did it not through coding, I didn't find a tutorial, I didn't watch an instructional video, and I didn't douse myself in chemical X. I did it through simple ingenuity, creativity, and the immense power of my infinitely resourceful mind. Genius.

Actually I just used a different version of the the "about page" trick, same one I used for creating the about page at Brain Grains. Basically I created two posts, one post with the preview and link to the second post. The second post contains the actual article. You might notice once you go to the expanded article that it is dated September. I dated it back to keep it far from the front page, and arbitrarily chose September as the expanded page month. so actual full articles will all be dated September, which will be weird until the Blogger team gets off their googly asses and creates post previews for selected posts. In the meantime I can still keep track of the real post date by using the previews. So a little bit of strangeness in post dates, but whatever. It's simple, works well enough, looks good and I'm happy and will update the other posts with the new previews when I'm less lazy.

So there you go. Crisis averted. Genius. Well maybe not, but at least we have post previews now.

Guest Writer Patrick King: The Majesty(?) of The Hills

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I might be the only male, or maybe person, at Hampshire College who obsessively watches The Hills. It has been mocked mercilessly from all angles since it premiered, except by teenage girls, who regard it as seriously as males do the fucking NFL playoffs (the “after shows” consist of giddy bitties deconstructing each episode-evidently it inspires their Derridean side). But why do I love it so much? Obviously, it seems pretty shallow at first glance. The show basically deals with beautiful women, dressed mostly in bikinis or cocktail dresses, handsome and chiseled dudes, all with fucking impeccable teeth, who spend their nights eating at chic restaurants and then hit up the hottest club spots, after breezing through their dream jobs (fashion stylists, nightclub promoter, etc.) during the day. It has been criticized for being fake, an illusory fabrication of Lauren Conrad’s (LC) glamorous life in Los Angeles, with all the storylines scripted and any conflicts completely set-up and intentional. But I don’t think one can brush it off as easily as that. As LC remembers from one of her appearances on Letterman, “one of the writers said that they believe The Hills is the most important show made in the last 10 years.” Continue Reading...

Lulz of the Time

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WW2, the RTS. (lemme know if this .gif isn't working for you.)

Wiki of the Week: Galaxiki

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Well, I''m going to ignore the fact that there hasn't been a "Wiki of the Week" in a few months now and go ahead and highlight a really creative use of a wiki, Galaxiki. Galaxiki is a fictional galaxy that anyone can add to or edit. You can get and create your own solar system, add planets and alien races. Network and have relations with other planets, and explore the galaxy with Google maps-like tools. There are so many things you can do. There's also some pretty robust social and community features to enhance collaboration between writers so that the galaxy can really have a thriving system and virtual economy. It's all pretty damn cool. Membership is free and you can get your own solar system and star to create your own races and history as you wish. It's like the most open rpg you'll ever play. Galaxiki on Wikipedia. Galaxiki Homepage.

Niko the Alcoholic

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Yea, I know that's Little Jacob, not Niko, but I couldn't find any pictures of Niko trashed.
I'm not going to review Grand Theft Auto 4 on the PC. There's probably no review you haven't read by now (assuming you've read all the reviews). I don't want to rant on about how much fun I'm having blowing up everything in sight, dropping grenades out of car windows at just the right time, and watching the carnage fade off into the distance. Everyone knows it's a fun game, a good game, probably one of the best of the year, and even though my PC is no exception to the plague of bugs and framerate issues that have been coupled with the port of the game, for the most part it's playable and I'm having a great time (though I'll probably end up ranting about how terrible Games For Windows LIVE and all the bullcrap that came with the game is. It still is, after all, a terrible port). Before I go on I've got to get some (somewhat embarrassing) history out of the way so you know where I'm coming from. I've played way too much of every PC Grand Theft Auto Game except the original. I've never played a GTA game without cheating or modding, and I've never finished the storyline of a GTA game. I tend to get too bored with the story after all of the map has been unlocked and instead I just spend hours going on ballistic rampages riding in Rhino tanks that I've suddenly just managed to miraculously materialize along with an arsenal of weapons and explosives. I realize I get further to finishing the story with each new game. The furthest I've gone being GTA4 (I'm almost done, I can feel it). So I haven't actually finished any GTA game I've played, unless you count downloading a 100% complete save file and using it as my own. So I might not know what I'm talking about here even though I consider myself to be pretty experienced with GTA. All of the GTA games have something to do with drugs, that's part of the point. You're moving drugs, selling drugs, working with druggies, you do jobs for drugs and the whole plot usually has a whole lot to do with them. But your character never does. All of the protagonists, while still stereotypical, are strangely straight-edge in a hugely drug-addled world. In many of the cutscenes a character will offer the player a drink, a hit, a key etc. and kid/fido/Tommy/CJ will always refuse. It always seemed strange to me, that a person in such a situation, with all of the pressures of being in such a place, wouldn't at least say yes to a casual drink. But they never did (ok, so there is a "pill" icon found around drugstores and hospitals in the older games that, when activated, would make the game run in slow motion for about a minute, but I didn't count that since it was so ambiguous). I thought it was so strange to have a character that was so morally ok with stealing, cheating, lying, killing (civilians) and raping, and yet wouldn't even taste the vodka. While playing GTA 4, I thought it would be the same, but it turns out Rockstar keeps playing around with more RPG elements than I expect. Niko (the protagonist/player in GTA 4) actually says yes to a drink in a cutscene around mid game at the last mission offered by "Playboy X." I was so exited for a second, but disappointment set in when Niko never actually drank out of the glass he was handed. What the hell Niko!? You're from freaking Russia! And you won't even have a vodka shot when offered? You're a stereotype for Christ's sake! Finally, my wish came true. One of the many "activities" you can do with your "friends" (and alone, if you're a sad human being. I mean, who drinks alone in a video game?) is go out drinking. You drive up to the bar, watch you and your friends walk in, time passes, and when you come out the camera gets all wobbly and your character stumbles around, trips, and talks drunk to the people around him. You can even drunk drive, which is actually pretty funny, since the car will randomly make turns all over the road and inevitably ram you full speed into a pole or tree or something. It's difficult to walk too, so if you want to get anywhere you have to get a cab to take you home and sleep before you can really do anything else. It's funny, and adds a sort of silly and humanizing aspect to the game. So the era of crazed, non-drinking, homicidal maniacs is over. You can now, if you wish, go out and get plastered in GTA. Though you can't become an alcoholic. At least, nothing happens if you go out and drink all of the time (though you're probably missing the point of the game if you do that. But hey, your call). What I find interesting, is that you now have the choice to never drink. Niko won't drink in the cutscenes, and you never are forced to go drinking with your friends. However, it is required to drink to reach 100% game completion, since drinking counts as an "activity" which you must complete all of several times to reach 100%. So in a way, GTA has gone from forcing the player to be drug-free, to requiring the player to get drunk at least a few times. Quite a switch. You can finish the game without getting a 100% completion though. So for the most part, it's now up to you whether or not to be the straight edge killer, or the sometimes-gets-drunk killer. Of course it's also up to you whether or not to kill random civilians, but who wouldn't? It's GTA. have fun, kill innocent people, go to strip clubs, climb to the top of the crime world, lay waste to a few thousand cops, get some whores, pillage, destroy, steal, and now, get drunk too.

Shameless Self-Promotion and Updates

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On our sidebar you might notice a few new things.

One is the welcome/about message, in which I try to describe this blog in a sentence, which will probably change when I figure out a better way to describe this blog.

Another is a new "streamlined" rss link that now has been burned with feedburner, which should make it easier to manage our 1 rss subscriber (that subscriber being me).

The last is our minimalist blogroll, now only consisting of my other blog, Brain Grains. It's a GTD-esque micro-blog thingy. If you want to know more about it, read the about page. There lies the shameless self-promotion, though I still suggest you read it. I think I might add a few other things to read, but I want to keep the blogroll fairly small, only consisting of blogs where I actually know the author.

Blogger Is A Piece Of Shit.

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No really, it is. I promise. You might notice a few style changes happening around here. Most of them will be buggy. Some just plain won't work. Please excuse the shitty presentation while I sort things out. Why is blogger a piece of shit? Well among other things, what I've been trying to do for a bit is add post previews (aka "continue reading" links) to these wonderful, but longer posts we've been getting here lately. Unfortunately, blogger in all it's infinite wisdom, still doesn't have this simple feature, even though it's been requested over and over again for years now. If this were a wordpress blog it would be as simple as pressing a button, but nooooooo I had to mindlessly follow google and get a blogspot blog instead. So now I have to edit the template by hand and try to figure out what to do. My coding skills are mediocre at best, so bear with me during this construction time. In the meantime, if you're thinking of starting a blog of your own, might I suggest wordpress.com. It's got way more features than blogger. And the developers actually care about what features the bloggers want. Update: So as it turns out there is no way to add post previews in blogger without adding "continue reading" links to every single post, regardless of whether or not it actually has more content. Bull. Fucking. Shit. I may have to resort to more drastic measures and we're still doing some switch arounds with the interface, but just wanted to get that out there. Thanks again.

Four Fat Chicks Tell Us The Way Things Work

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Came across this interesting narrative today at Four Fat Chicks, a gamer blog. It was a little off topic for this quirky, recently-redesigned, staple of a gameblog. However it's a wonderful end-of-year read. It's short and it's got a lot to say. I liked it, anyway.

Wakka's Time Now

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Let me start off by saying that the Final Fantasy video game series is absolutely incredible. (Yes, in case you had any lingering doubts, I'm a complete nerd.) Not only has nearly every game in the series been thoroughly enjoyable, but some of them have even revolutionized the genre of role-playing games. The first installment in the series, simply titled "Final Fantasy," provided the template and set the standard for practically every Japanese RPG that came after. And later, with Final Fantasy VI and Final Fantasy VII, developers Squaresoft experimented with the template they had created years earlier and raised the bar for RPG quality even further. With Final Fantasy VI, the developers changed the familiar medieval fantasy environment into a more industrial steam-punk environment and fully realized the storytelling capabilities of video games by creating a massive cast of emotionally complex characters. Then, not content with revolutionizing the genre they had essentially created already only one time, they decided to revolutionize it again with FFVII, changing the newly-established steam-punk environment into a high-tech sci-fi environment, and rendering the game in (at the time) impressive 3D graphics. Because the visuals of FFVII are primitive by today's standards, it is hard to grasp how truly incredible they were when it was first released.


FFVII also marked a step forward for Final Fantasy in a way that is less commonly recognized: it contained the first black playable character.
Up until that point, every FF character had been white or, in a few cases, racially ambiguous. Part of this might have been due to the fact that every FF game before FFVII had been set in a European-themed setting, but this is kind of a copout, especially considering the sheer amount of unique characters in FFVI. I'm sure many people were excited when they found out that FFVII would finally include a black person. Likewise, I'm also sure that these same people were very disappointed when they found out that said black person was Barret, a loud, foul-mouthed, stereotypical cross between Mr. T and Jules Winnfield.
I pity the fool who thinks this is fair representation.
Now, I haven't actually played FFVII, so I wouldn't be completely justified in going on a long-winded rant about Barret. I would, however, be more than justified in going on a long-winded rant about Wakka, a character in Final Fantasy X, which I'm currently playing.

Wakka is to Latinos what Barret is to black people; he's the first one of his kind in a Final Fantasy game, and he's also a complete stereotype. Now, Wakka is never explicitly labeled as Latino (largely because the planet Earth doesn't exist in the FF universe, and therefore neither do Central or South America), but he doesn't have to be -- his voice tells you everything you need to know. Just watch this video for an example of what some of Wakka's dialogue sounds like. It's from very early in the game, so there aren't any spoilers or anything.

Now, video games generally aren't known for quality voice acting, but Wakka brings this standard to an entirely new low; I mean, I'm pretty sure whoever did his voice was told to do his best impression of Carlos Mencia doing his best impression of Strong Bad. His voice isn't the only stereotypical aspect of his portrayal though: he's tough but not very bright, he's deeply religious, and if you're still not sure what race he's supposed to be, he even has darker skin than everyone else in FFX (except for maybe Kimahri). And if you think that I'm just over-analyzing things and looking for stereotypes where none actually exist, just take into account the fact that everyone else I know who's played FFX has the same opinions about Wakka that I do. Plus, my descriptions and that one cutscene really don't do justice to Wakka's portrayal. If you want to actually see what I'm talking about you should really play FFX for yourself and make your own observations. Even if you've already played FFX and disagree with me, play parts of it again with these thoughts in mind and you'll see that at the very least, Wakka's darker skin and accent serve to make him ambiguously "ethnic" (I've also heard people describe Wakka as an "islander" stereotype), and his simplistic worldview serves to make him ambiguously "different." Maybe Squaresoft created all this ambiguity to avoid making the same mistake they did with Barret. After all, I don't think anyone has written anything else about Wakka in regards to his portrayal the same way that people have about Barret.
 
Now, if you're expecting me to continue on this long-winded rant, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I actually want to write about why I forgive Squaresoft for their portrayal of Wakka. Yes, that's right, I forgive them. I do so with reluctance, but also for several good reasons. One is that Wakka's portrayal is remarkably consistent with Cedric Clark's theory of the four stages of media representation. Clark has argued that oppressed groups tend to go through four different stages of representation in popular culture. In the first stage, nonrecognition, members of said group are never seen anywhere in popular culture; according to the producers of mass media, people from this group simply don't exist (for example, the absence of black people in FF I-VI). In the second stage, ridicule, people from this group are shown, but they are ridiculously stereotyped, often for comedic effect (Barret definitely existed in this stage). In the third stage, regulation, members of this group are portrayed as people who protect the social order, such as police officers or soldiers (it could be argued that Barret simultaneously existed in this stage as well; after all, he was a soldier in FFVII, and was one of its heroes). And in the fourth and final stage, respect, members of this group are, well, respected, being shown frequently and in a variety of ways, both positive and negative (I don't think any group has reached this stage yet in Final Fantasy games). I would argue that Wakka occupies a similar space to Barret in relation to these four stages; while he occupies ridicule, being stereotyped as well as the butt of jokes at times, he also occupies regulation, being one of the heroes of FFX - after all, his job title in the game is "guardian." So while Wakka's portrayal is not the best it could be, it is still, according to Clark's theory, progress. That said, Squaresoft still has a long way to go in this process, and I won't continue to forgive them unless I see some totally non-stereotypical dark-skinned people in future FF games.

The second reason I forgive them is the context in which Wakka was originally portrayed was undoubtedly different in Japan. While Japan does have a substantial Latin American immigrant population, the stereotypes that I observed in Wakka, such as being "tough" and religious, are stereotypes that I know from American media. The argument that racism exists in a different context in Japan has been brought up before in debates about FFVII, as well as other games such as Loco Roco. Loco Roco is a particularly interesting example because its stereotypes are drawn from blackface caricatures, some of the most racist products of American popular culture, but also ones that have frequently been appropriated in Japanese popular culture. There has been an interesting exchange between American and Japanese popular culture that has been occurring for decades, and it has gone something like this:

Step 1. America creates racist caricatures of black people and exports them to other countries, such as Japan.
Step 2. These images surface in Japanese popular culture, where, devoid of cultural and historical context, and in a country that doesn't have a large black population, people don't really get offended by characters like Mr. Popo.
Step 3. These images get exported back to America, where by now everyone considers blackface racist, and people become offended.

Now, people often have a hard time distinguishing which images in Japanese popular culture are derived from blackface caricatures, so the outcry in America is usually small, but sometimes it results in images being changed in American versions of anime and video games, such as with the pokemon Jynx. Other characters, such as Barret, are not derived from the same caricatures, but they do show the same process, where stereotypical images of black people from American popular culture are reproduced in Japan and then given back to an American audience that takes issue with some of these images. Because Wakka's portrayal is more ambiguous, and with a different ethnic group, I don't know if this argument applies in the same way. Wakka is obviously reminiscent of stereotypical images of Latinos from American popular culture, but he could also be a product of prejudices against the Latin American population in Japan. But within the fact that I don't know as much about who Wakka's supposed to represent or what racism is like in Japan lies another one of my arguments: I don't even know if Wakka was stereotypical in the original Japanese version.

I would argue that the most stereotypical aspect of Wakka's portrayal is his voice; if Wakka was just some tough, dark-skinned religious dude who talked the same as everyone else in FFX, I don't know if I would immediately jump to the conclusion that he was a stereotype. This aspect of his portrayal is completely the fault of the American localization staff; when translating the game, the American staff had to hire voice actors to do Wakka's voice, so Wakka definitely sounds different in the original Japanese game. I looked up who did Wakka's voice in the American version, and it turns out it was John DiMaggio, a white guy who did the voice for Bender in Futurama. Needless to say, he obviously put on some kind of accent to do Wakka's voice. Because of this, while I forgive Squaresoft for Wakka, I can't forgive the American localization staff. If Wakka was originally based on stereotypical media images, then the localization staff should have known what effects these images would have when being shown again in America. And if Wakka was portrayed differently in the original version and was turned into a stereotype for the American release, well then shame on the localization staff.

That said, I have one more reason to forgive Squaresoft for their portrayal of Wakka. This reason is probably the most interesting and even paradoxical one: the developers did attempt to address the theme of racism elsewhere in the story of FFX. They actually did this using Wakka, but instead of being on the receiving end of the racism, he is entirely on the giving end. (Warning: Spoilers begin here). Throughout the game it is revealed that Wakka is incredibly, blatantly racist against the Al Bhed, an oppressed ethnic group within the FFX universe. This racism is a result of Wakka's blind faith to Yevon, who I assume is the god of his (and most of the people in FFX's) religion. Yevon forbids the use of machines, and the Al Bhed society is completely dependent on them. Plus, before the timeline of FFX starts Wakka's brother died in a battle the one time he decided to fight with Al Bhed machines. And to top it all off, the Al Bhed keep kidnapping Yuna, the summoner who Wakka is charged with protecting. A while after it is revealed that Wakka hates the Al Bhed, an Al Bhed named Rikku joins the cast of playable characters. Because everyone else knows how racist Wakka is, they decide not to tell him that Rikku is an Al Bhed, and, needless to say, he doesn't have any problems with her. But, needless to say, when it is revealed that Rikku is an Al Bhed, Wakka doesn't hesitate to go on a racist rant about why he hates the Al Bhed and how he no longer trusts Rikku. I haven't finished the game yet, but at the point where I am now, it seems that Wakka's interactions with Rikku are beginning to turn him around and make him not hate the Al Bhed anymore. (Spoilers end here). So, as you can tell, there is an obvious message about racism in one of the subplots of FFX.

The message is undoubtedly a positive one: don't hate an entire race of people because of your religion or because of your interactions with a few people of that race. Unfortunately, this message is pretty simplistic. If someone didn't already feel this way before playing FFX, then not only have they probably not been educated very well, but their opinions probably won't change after playing FFX. Plus, the fact that Wakka is the racist one in FFX only contributes to the fact that he is portrayed as stupider than everyone else. The developers of FFX tell us on the surface that we shouldn't hate people, but beneath the surface they enforce stereotypes that could potentially cause hatred.

That said, I still forgive Squaresoft for Wakka because he does mark a step forward for Final Fantasy, and also because they did attempt to address racism in FFX. Plus, Wakka's stereotypes could just be the fault of the American localization staff. If I really wanted to find this out, I could play the original Japanese version of FFX, but I really don't feel like doing that right now; I'm already a long way into the American version, which despite everything I have complained about is a very good game. It's got an interesting story, sweet graphics, fun battles, and one of the most innovative character customization systems I have ever seen. In all honesty, from what I've played of it so far, Wakka's portrayal, which definitely could have been better, is really the only thing I don't like about FFX. That said, I hope that Square continues to progress along the four stages of representation.

Things I Never Knew Existed

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Normally I don't receive anything of value in my college mailbox. Aside from the occasional paycheck or letter from a relative, my mail generally consists of flyers from various student organizations that I don't plan to be involved with, advertisements telling me to support some political cause that I am either already for or horribly outraged by, and catalogs of expensive items that I don't particularly care for. However, today I came across something in my mailbox that fit into the last category, but that was simply in a league of its own. I went beyond merely not caring for this catalog's expensive items; this was a catalog displaying overpriced crap I would never, ever, ever want to buy. Which was ironic, considering its cover praised it as "The Catalog of Things You Never Knew Existed, and Other Items You Can't POSSIBLY Live Without."
You may think that I discarded this piece of rubbish even faster than I discard all the normal junk that accumulates in my box regularly. I actually did quite the opposite. Realizing that I had struck comedic and critical gold, I took this catalog to my room with the full intention of reading it cover to cover and marveling at all the bizarre oddities I found within its pages. At first I found it absolutely hilarious, but the more I read it the more disturbing it became. I'll go into this later; first let me highlight some of my favorite items from this catalog:
The world's largest bra.
While everything else in this catalog is pointless, this one goes that extra mile by actually being an inconvenience to anyone who owns it, due obviously to its more than impractical size. But the makers of the catalog don't want you to think that. According to them, this "gift" is "Perfect... for the greatly endowed and the barely-there" (I'll address this obvious sexism later), and "Ideal for bachelorette parties, retiring co-workers, and moms-to-be." Perfect? Ideal? I must admit that these were not the first words that came to my mind when I saw this product, and there are better, more practical, less random gifts that I could think of for retiring co-workers and moms-to-be. Almost every item in the catalog is advertised in the same way though. Whoever came up with these product descriptions is greatly over-compensating for the sheer uselessness of these items by not just claiming that they have some purpose, but that they are ABSOLUTELY essential. This doesn't seem like the most convincing strategy; I mean, I'd like to think that I would feel complete as a person without a figurine of Santa mooning me. Which brings me to the next item on my list:
Apparently, this one is the "ultimate Christmas gag." There's really not much more that I can say about this one; I don't think I can make it sound more ridiculous than it actually is. There was one thing that confused me though. In the picture in the catalog, there's a speech bubble coming from Santa's mouth saying "Here's the gift that keeps on giving! Ho ho ho!" The only thing I was uncertain of was whether he was referring to his ass or to one of his turds. Anyway, on to the next item:
This one brings immature humor to a whole new level. I think this might be one of the least subtle items I've ever seen. However, there was one subtly funny aspect of the description. It censors the word "ass" for no apparent reason, since the catalog proudly displays the same word on 8 of its t-shirts. I wish I could show you all of them, but I only received five results when I did a search for "ass shirt" on their website.
Which brings me to the next group of items: shirts about being retired (one of which also says "ass" on it.) I don't know who's in this catalog's demographic, but it must contain either some old people or some people who want to get slightly offensive shirts for old people, because there were more shirts about being retired in this catalog than I expected. I was briefly tempted to get one just for irony's sake, but then I decided against it because I do not want the people selling these shirts to have any of my money. And here's why:
Remember how earlier I said I found some aspects of this catalog disturbing? Well now I'm going to talk about those aspects. Most of the items in this catalog are intended to be funny, and while some of them try to accomplish this by using oversized novelty gags or poo jokes, some are just flat-out offensive. There were two main categories of offensive humor I consistently found in this catalog, the first one being classist humor.
For some reason there's an abnormal amount of products making fun of "rednecks" in this catalog. These range from shirts directly making fun of poor people to other items that do so more indirectly, such as the "Billy Bob Pacifier" (now you can teach stereotypes about poor people to your kids starting when they're babies!) What amazed me the most was that the catalog featured not one, but TWO redneck themed Christmas CDs (one of which is called "White Trash Christmas") that feature songs such as "X-mas in Jail," "Leroy and The Redneck Reindeer," and "The Little Hooters Girl." Not only do these products perpetuate offensive stereotypes about poor people, they also tie into one of the catalog's other offensive recurring themes: misogyny!
One of the aforementioned shirts perfectly highlights everything that is classist and sexist in the catalog. Countless products in the catalog make jokes out of the idea that women should simply be used for pleasure because their feelings don't matter in any way. Some shirts in the catalog display such unabashedly misogynistic phrases as "Let's Play Carpenter! First we get hammered, then I nail you," "Be a flirt, lift your shirt," and "I'm not a gynecologist, but I'll take a look." The t-shirt section is mainly where all this misogyny occurs, but the fact that anyone would proudly walk around with these phrases across their chest makes me lose a little bit of faith in humanity. Don't worry though; if you feel like being a jerk but don't want to be misogynistic, there are plenty of shirts that make fun of mental disorders, and others that are just plain rude and unfunny.
Aside from all the offensive "humor" featured in the catalog, there are other, more... um... serious (?) items that are also troublesome. Some of these fall under the category of army memorabilia. While some pieces of army memorabilia are in decent taste, such as shirts praising the memories of dead soldiers, I really don't think that anyone gave their life in a war to be remembered in a catalog that also sells fake cat poo. In addition, the catalog's apparent reverence for life is undermined by another shirt for the national guard that proclaims "One Shot, One Kill." Other items in this category that annoyed me were hats proclaiming "Vietnam Veteran" or "Iraq - Afghanistan Veteran." Um, so does that mean that now anyone can claim to be a veteran?
Still, my opinions about selling army memorabilia are just opinions. I'm not trying to present unproven claims as fact. I don't need to, since the Catalog of Things You Never Knew Existed is already presenting countless unproven, unprovable claims as fact, in the section of the catalog that sells pseudo-science books and DVDs. Some of them have titles such as "Forbidden Science" and "Antigravity Secrets." I admit, I don't know enough about "gravity controlling technologies" or "the ability to harness free energy from space" to claim that these books are full of lies, but I am led to believe this by the fact that they are positioned next to a DVD titled "Evidence of Life On Mars?" Since the title is written as a question, I hope that the answer is "no," otherwise there is absolutely no valuable information in the DVD. Pseudo-scientific theories about the existence of intelligent life on Mars have been proven wrong time and again, from the idea that canals existed on Mars to the excitement over the "face on Mars." The description of the DVD cites information about "remarkable monuments, T shaped craters, gigantic glass tube systems..." etc. They don't even mention one of the only theories that supports the existence of life on Mars, which is the possibility of liquid water existing on Mars. Even still, this theory in no way supports the idea of intelligent life on Mars, which this DVD claims is the truth.
Then there are all the books and DVD's about "Evidence of Alien Contact," which use personal stories of alien abductions as their proof. Anyone who knows anything about science knows that you can't use personal anecdotes as scientific proof for anything; extensive psychological research has been done into alien abduction cases, and a lot of it has proven that, well, alien abductions DON'T HAPPEN (when people are hypnotized, and even sometimes when they are not, they can be lead to genuinely believe that impossible things happened to them; then when they are placed in situations with people who have had similar experiences, they gain validation for their stories. This is also why some people experience past lives while under hypnosis, which is very unreliable.) Finally, there are all the government conspiracy theories, claims about psychic powers, one DVD trying to prove the existence of Bigfoot, and the most outrageous one, a book that claims that the earth is hollow and houses a secret Nazi base with UFOs. Yes, you read that right. If real science were as popular as pseudo-science, I would be happy. But then again, real science is not always as interesting as being told that Nazis and aliens live inside the earth.
What annoys me the most about the catalog in general is that it constitutes exploitation. Yes, exploitation, simply for the fact that it creates an entire business off of making people pay for things they absolutely don't need. What's even worse is that the things people merely don't need are the BEST things the catalog has to offer, the worst being the aforementioned ones that are actually harmful, perpetuating prejudiced attitudes and teaching horrendous fallacies as fact while giving both science and humor bad names. Certainly there are way worse problems out there, but the Catalog of Things You Never Knew Existed is symptomatic of so many things wrong with society. Personally, I almost wish that I never knew any of these things existed.

Shameless Linkage

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So I've been ridiculously busy these past.... six weeks, and haven't really gotten to post anything, but I feel something needs to be up here so I feel like this place hasn't totally died yet. So, here is a "news" article I wrote a little while ago for another blog. It was probably the one decent thing to come out of that little experiment of a place: Digg Commenter Confused About Origins of Meme

Guest Writer Patrick King: The Majesty(?) of The Hills

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I might be the only male, or maybe person, at Hampshire College who obsessively watches The Hills. It has been mocked mercilessly from all angles since it premiered, except by teenage girls, who regard it as seriously as males do the fucking NFL playoffs (the “after shows” consist of giddy bitties deconstructing each episode-evidently it inspires their Derridean side). But why do I love it so much? Obviously, it seems pretty shallow at first glance. The show basically deals with beautiful women, dressed mostly in bikinis or cocktail dresses, handsome and chiseled dudes, all with fucking impeccable teeth, who spend their nights eating at chic restaurants and then hit up the hottest club spots, after breezing through their dream jobs (fashion stylists, nightclub promoter, etc.) during the day. It has been criticized for being fake, an illusory fabrication of Lauren Conrad’s (LC) glamorous life in Los Angeles, with all the storylines scripted and any conflicts completely set-up and intentional. But I don’t think one can brush it off as easily as that. As LC remembers from one of her appearances on Letterman, “one of the writers said that they believe The Hills is the most important show made in the last 10 years.” Routinely, it hits from 8.0-9.5 in Nielsen ratings, and Audrina, LC, and Speidi (an amalgam of Heidi Montag, Lauren’s former BFF turned arch-nemesis, and the root of the split, Heidi’s now-husband Spencer Pratt) have their smiling faces posted on tabloids in every grocery store checkout line in the nation. Fucking whole blogs have been posted devoting shot-by-fucking-shot analyses of multiple episodes. The New York Times have compared it to the works Antonioni for its deliberately distant dialogue, focus on reaction shots (protagonist as beauty!), and the prioritizing of personal tribulations (see: Zabriskie Point, Blow-Up,). Think of a soap opera on ‘ludes, and you kind of have an idea of it, as it has been categorized as a “docu-soap.” But with all of this academic and critical jargon, and to some extent, lauding, this shit has to have some merit, right? A Matter of Visual Aesthetics First, it has to be noted that this show is fucking gorgeous. There’s no getting around it: its eye-candy in both setting and characters. Yes, it is a spin-off of Laguna Beach, but that was child’s play compared to The Hills. It literally looks like a movie-maybe even better. This is what reality television was supposed to look like; I honestly want to move to L.A. after seeing it. In a recent article for Rolling Stone, Jason Gay noted the stunning visual look: [I]t’s filmed with digital cameras on tripods, with elegant evening scenes shot in low light. When its aerial cameras swoop down for a dream view of Sunset Boulevard twinkling at dusk, L.A. has never appeared more desirable. Much of The Hills’ look is credited to Hisham Abed, a young director of production who worked on the show’s first season and was also responsible for the golden tint ofLaguna Beach. Abed says he based The Hills’ cool evening look on the films of Michael Mann. “I like Heat,” Abed says. “We were trying to emulate the look offilm on television.” In the episode, “Girl’s Night Out,” there is a scene where Spencer and Heidi have a minor quarrel in a nightclub corridor. This would seem like a relatively unimportant event—it isn’t, in the broader context of the show—but it is honestly, one of the most beautiful pieces of visual art I have ever seen in my life. The club’s music is heard in the background as two cameras cut between reaction shots of Spencer and Heidi mid-argument, while they are doused in the morphing colors of the house lights. I may be romanticizing a bit, and it doesn’t hurt that Heidi (and possibly Spencer) is aesthetically pleasing in any environment, but I would highly recommend searching online for this episode (all episodes are on MTV.com), just for this scene. This scene along with the preceding shots of the L.A. evening, are perfect examples of this type of cinematography and production that Abed and his crew were looking to portray. Hell, just look at the title sequence: glittering shots of West Hollywood interlaced with enticing scenes of girlfriends partying, synced to Natasha Bedingfield’s incredibly optimistic anthem “Unwritten.” Now, obviously most viewers of the show are not going to be obsessing over the mise-en scène. It is pure, escapist fantasy in most other respects. Its basic premise is basically like The Mary Tyler Moore Show set in age of materialism. LC moves to West L.A., going to school and working her way up in the fashion industry, all while she experiences new friends, boy troubles, and break-ups with old friends. No South Central barrio exists here: where to eat, shop, and party are the only social problems these people must confront. This is where much of the mockery comes from: who the hell cares about Lauren’s minute problems? Honestly, who gives a shit? LC and Inherent (In)Authenticity Therein lies on of my attractions to the show. Lauren is a complex character: call me an idiot, or a starry-eyed male if you want. But I think she does more to highlight the critique of superficiality rather than the glorification of it. In the same Rolling Stone article, show creator Adam DiVello notes the peculiar nature of her character. “She is the girl who has it all—but doesn’t have it exactly.” She is constantly looking (a “searcher” as Gay says) for a lover, trustworthy friends, and her dream job in fashion, but never finds it. She has become pessimistic in her outlook. In a recent episode, when Audrina doesn’t trust her denial about hooking up with Audrina’s “boyfriend,” the notorious and hilarious Justin Bobby, LC just says fuck it, in a sense. When Audrina apologizes, Lauren seems to be beyond it: it seems like she read No Exit as a manual to analyzing her friendships for now on. Furthermore, she talks in a particular vernacular, one that is recognizable to young girls, and young people, in general. In interviews, Lauren has constantly defended the show’s authenticity. If anything, she has learned to not take things at face value. She has ended up unhappy too many times (Lo is the only constant friend in the show, and they have known each other since 3rd grade) to do that. That’s not to say The Hills isn’t scripted in some ways: total mimesis is not possible in this day in the age of mechanical reproduction, especially on television. Shooting locations have to be planned and mapped out, as the crew has to know where the cast members will be and prepare the area (since filming scenes with bystanders can’t really happen). Their semi-real jobs always must contain some sort of real work to push storylines along at times (Heidi’s job as a nightclub promoter, Lauren and Whitney’s fashion jobs), so that DiVello and the editing team can “pick and choose” what they are going to keep. Audio overdubs have to be done in a studio at times if there are technical problems. With the lack of the traditional “confessional” mainstay of reality television (think Real World, Survivor) the editing room becomes the place where the story lines are conceived and brought to fruition. As Lo describes, the producers “really little nothings and turn them into story lines.” Additionally, some of the cast members will act differently onscreen than off. Spencer, Brody, and Audrina all have commented publicly on this, usually with the response they would rather be entertaining than boring, for the sake of good television (that comment can speak volumes by itself, but on a different tip). What then, becomes of any merit of the show? It is in this lack of a confessional where a major part of the majesty of The Hills lies. The Minutiae Aspect Justin Wolfe, the aforementioned blogger who during the 3rd season (which is the series’ zenith, in my opinion) contributed extremely layered and detailed analyses of many episodes, has referenced Antonioni, Rohmer, and Godard in his criticisms of the show. He is quoted in an article by Kate Taylor’s article “There’s a Revolution Brewing in The Hills” with perhaps the perfect summary of the strength of the docu-soap approach: “What I enjoy most about The Hills is seeing things that I have never before seen represented on television,” writes Justin Wolfe, a recent English graduate from Florida State University, who keeps a blog about the show. “[…]I mean in the micro sense: the small gestures and body movements, the casual poses, the verbal tics, word repetitions and vocal inflections; all the things that colour [sic] the fabric of everyday existence. The Hills’, by foregrounding what is unnoticed, defamiliarizes it. It make what’s completely normal feel strange.” I recently had a conversation with a friend while watching the show. He was a completely objective viewer, having never really watched it consistently. But he noted this phenomenon. Can we really say exactly what we would do when in a similar situation as Lauren, for instance while arguing with a friend? You can pick up on certain phrases or inflections each cast member loves to use: Lauren loves the word “shady”, Heidi talks with an over exaggerated Valley-Girl drawl, Justin Bobby speaks in ridiculously generalized, pseudo-philosophical statements, and Whitney adds an extra syllable to any word ending with a –g. I have the feeling I could watch these people discuss absolutely mundane things for hours. When you see people react to certain situations on screen it seems written because perhaps it isn’t, but rather it is your perception of what is scripted and real. Neo-Kantian sentiments are surely the idea. Conclusion Regardless of opinion, The Hills’ popularity, and the larger movement of the docu-soap that it has been at the forefront of, is groundbreaking in television. As MTV program-development director Tony DiSanto points out, their goal was to “do a reality show in the visual language of narrative film, to see if we could throw out the language of documentary film.” But it is a quest whose source has been seen from Ibsen to Zola, to the Italian directors in the school of Neo-Realism, but now with a voyeuristic tinge, viewing wealthy American white women. Susan Sontag, the renowned American cultural critic, wrote in her famous essay “Against Interpretation,” that, “[t]ransparence is the highest, most liberating value in art—and in criticism—today. Transparence means experiencing the luminousness of the thing in itself, of things being what they are." This is the greatness of, for example, the films of Bresson or Ozu and Renoir’s The Rules of the Game. The Hills doesn’t completely achieve transparence, and I know that. One has to tease out its merits at times, deconstruct it—to use that overused word in the faintly Derridean sense—to come to any real conclusions. Otherwise, it may come off for what it is, which is a docu-soap marketed to teenage girls or young women about a privileged life in the big city. But I still love it, and I will still actively consume it (Whitney now has her own spin-off, The City) and so will millions of others. It is part of a new breed of television, one that has its aforementioned drawbacks and its strengths. But this may be the closest we can get to reality on television, following the lives of the beautiful and the rich. Or perhaps, that is all that the American public is ready for. Works Cited Gray, Jason. “Are They for Real?” Rolling Stone, May 2008. Sontag, Susan. Against Interpretation. 1966. Taylor, Kate. “There’s a Revolution Brewing in The Hills.” Globe and Mail, September 2007. Patrick King is a writer and student at Hampshire College in Amherst Massachusets, when not watching The Hills he spends time reading Hemingway and being awesome.

Bitches Be LARPing

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I've been busy as all hell. Don't hate on me. http://www.alliancedeadlands.com Come play. It's pretty sexy. There are zombies and shit. I'm playing a banshee this weekend. And a baby dragon. And a dryad. Dryads are awesome.

Review: The "Master Chef" Part 2

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Alright, so it is time once again to continue the review of my home-built system, the "Master Chef." As stated, this time I'm going through the building process and doing detailed reviews of the products. The first box I opened was the lovely Cooler Master RC-690 case. I chose it on a whim for its looks, included power supply, and at the time of purchase it was on sale for only $99. I'd never had personal experience but had always heard good things about cooler master and this was the time to give things a shot. The case came in a fairly well made cardboard box with Styrofoam fittings to keep it safe and in place. The box it comes in is important because if you ever want to travel with your computer, this is likely the box you're going to use. Nothing special here, but nothing appalling. The case was sturdily built and was light on the plastic bits. There was a neat screw repository system included on it, where any screw you would need for the hard drives and motherboard, had their own little screwed in place near the external media drives. It made it simple and convenient during the build to use and place screws. Anything not having to do with motherboard or hard drives was thumb-screwable, which was pretty welcome. though not all was perfect. The hard drive bays had these pretty innovative "slide in, slide out" holders that made it easy to install them. However, the way the sliders worked when you wanted to plug the drives in, the sockets were on the opposite side of the case, facing the wrong way. This made overall drive installation difficult and any future hard drive installations would be met with even more difficulty. Also the case panels were made up of the flimsiest metal, which resulted in them slightly bending during the build process. The fans were a little more conservative than I was used to. I usually tend to use something around the Antec 900 class, so a 250mm fan and more is standard for me, though this case just had 3 120mm fans: one in the front bottom, one on the side and one exhaust fan. Surprisingly, though, the case cooled extremely well, there were parts where there was ventilation, but no fan, and those seemed to work very well. The PSU was also on the bottom, which reduces overall heat and increases airflow. The fans had no speed adjust, which I was pretty disappointed about, since that limits a lot of flexibility in overclocking. Temps measured very cool after the build, though, and I couldn't argue with that. Getting the motherboard in was the most annoying part (as it often is), and the RC-690 offers not much relief on that front. Many of the screw sockets were badly made so that the screws were loose and uneven. This is typical of cases in this class, but this was especially finicky. Though it did have a ton of room, which sort of made up for these flaws. The PSU I really have not much to say about, It came not fully screwed in so I had to redo it, but other than that, I re-screwed it in, plugged in the parts and boom, I was off fraggin'. There's mesh around the cords to cut down on clutter (which it does fairly well) and sturdy clips on the end of each plug. The PSU worked great with no problems whatsoever. I give this case a lot of props for looks. It's sleek and sexy, but not overly flashy or exotic. The blue fan in front is a subtle touch that gives the case a fast look. The silver lines running along the case and curved corners set it apart but not so much as to make it distracting. Of course looks are all personal preference, but for me at least it does well. Overall I'd give this case a solid 7 out of 10. It is pretty sturdy, and has everything you could really ask for, save a few quirks, lack of fan speed adjust, and finicky screws. For a budget box with a great included PSU you can't go wrong. Moving on to the motherboard, I chose the MSI P7N-SLI motherboard for mostly its price compared to similar ASUS models. To be honest I stick pretty exclusively with ASUS when I build stuff for myself as they've never given me a problem, but Tom's Hardware had always touted MSI as being a pretty big competitor with comparable features at a lower price. Turns out they're spot on. The most difficult part of this build was fitting the motherboard into the case, the thumbscrews that you put on the back of the motherboard so that the back doesn't touch the case were extremely finicky. I finally got the motherboard in, then remembered I forgot to connect the peripherals panel, so I had to go through that whole process again. I give a lot of credit to MSI for having a sturdy board that well survived my frustrated abuse. I'm afraid I can't judge the board on overclocking as I did not this design this rig to overclock. I can say, however, that Pheonix AwardBIOS offered tons of options and did very well in configuring devices and manually setting memory timings. I hadn't had much experience with AwardBIOS was was impressed at how intuitive the interface was, no digging through submenus looking for what I wanted, everything was neat. To its discredit I can say, that the included software is complete and total useless buggy shit. The only thing you should use from the included CD is the drivers. Though I'll finish this next time, this whole thing is turning out to be a little longer than I thought it would be. I wonder if anyone who reads this can even understand this shit anyway. owell.

Lulz Of The Time

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bork

Ok, Fucking Fine

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So, I guess it's just me, I cant promise a constant stream of posts, but I'll try my bestest. For now I'm gonna cry in a corner for a bit.

So, The Beach and Stuff Like That

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Actually, no stuff like that. So I was at the beach the other day, as you do. It was McCorrie point. Its a little dinky beach. Your typical Portsmouth beach full of shells and rocks and seaweed and weeds and shit. It's shit for swimming but it's great for finding stuff or just hangin' out thinking. So I was thinking while picking up various pretty rocks for my grandmother searching for an epiphany of some kind when the question hit me: Why the fuck are there so many bricks on the beach? Seriously, I finds them all the time on the beaches I go to and they're nice, all smoothed out by the ocean and shit. But why are there so many of them? One or two every once in a while I can understand, like seaglass, but there's way more of them all over the place if you look. so where did they come from? Is there a natural explanation? Are they just red rocks that look like bricks? Cuz I took Earth Science freshman year of high school and the only thing I learned (from crazy talks-to-walls-no-really-he-does Mr. Rutkewitz) was how to tell brick or cement from a real rock. Was there some giant Titanic-sized tanker full of bricks that sank a hundred tears ago? and the bricks were just washed ashore now because they were all defective and floated a bit or something? I did some reasearch and it turnes out that already happened in the little island of St Maarten. but that looks very different from our beaches. I mean, what the fuck! Where did all these fucking bricks come from! Did there used to be some epic fort or something by the New England beaches but some secret government-covered-up-war happened and it got owned? So as soon as I got back, I asked, and... not even Google knew why. NOT EVEN FUCKING GOOGLE KNEW!!! That's when I realized I had uncovered a true mystery of the universe. I'm trying to make peace with the fact that I may never know why the bricks are there, but it's something I'll wonder about for the rest of my life. I have a feeling it's going to come back to haunt me one day. Like I'll be kidnaped or tortured and all they'll want to know is why, and I won't know, and I'll die strapped to a chair in a basement somewhere all because I didn't know where the bricks came from. Or some government agency will come to me and tell me there's a nuke in Amherst and the only way to stop it is to tell them where the bricks came from, and I won't know and thousands of people will die, because I lacked the curiosity to find out why. But what If I dedicate my life to finding out why? And it turns out to be some part of a secret experiment that went horribly wrong and I'm killed for knowing to much? Or what if it's some mundane answer and I realize I've wasted my life for nothing? Those goddamned bricks. Another one of the universe's unsolvable mysteries.

A List Of Those Currently Riding The Fail Train

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Without further ado, a list of those people currently riding The Fail Train are (by alias): 1. "Jersey" (conductor) 2. "Rouge" (bartender) 3. "The Gatekeeper" (drunk passenger) "Juggernaut" is currently running alongside The Fail Train since he's posted, once, and drafted once. THE ONLY ONE FULL OF WIN IS ME!!!!!!!!! MEEEEEEE!!!! If you guys don't want to do it, that's totally cool with me I don't care. I just don't want to do it by myself waiting for someone else to post something, anything. Just email me if you don't want to and I'll close the blog. If you guys aren't into this that's fine just tell me we'll stay in touch the boring way.

Lulz Of The Time

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So I'm recycling another idea from the past. I had a section I called Lulz of the Day where I would post some lulz......daily (duuuuhh). The problem was I never really posted daily so it was all a lie. However, I've learned my lesson and like a good counselor have adapted accordingly. I bring you Lulz Of The Time! So without further ado (and I know its old but)....
yes. yes it is.

Get Quality: FileHippo.com

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So I was thinking about my tech support grumbles while drafting a posted rant about, when I thought more people should know about filehippo.com. It is without a doubt the single best resource for software on windows. People always ask me how to do this or that with this or that software. Filehippo only adds software if they deem it to be popular enough or of good enough quality. So when you need a piece of software to do X, just look on filehippo and they'll have the best option for you. They also have an update checker which scans your computer for updates and will give you a webpage with a list and download links for updates. It's the one place I go when first I install windows or need to download software in general. The layout of the site is simple and effective, no bs or five links to click through before you get a download. They also host older versions and betas, along with filters for only freeware and stable versions. The downloads are fast. I love just browsing through looking for new softare to try. Truly a great resource, next time you need an app, check it out. For more info, check out thier about page.

Never Really Cought On Did It? Convinceme.net

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Anyone know Convinceme.net? It opened about a year ago as a place for people to argue on the internet, as if there wasn't enough of that already. It does bring some fun and interesting things to the table though. The format is brilliant and allows you to clearly see both sides of the issue. There's different modes that include open debates, 1-on-1, and king of the hill style where you may only add one argument, so it'd better be good. There's even a news section where debaters post articles and subsequent debates can be made about them. So with a cohesive and organized place for all the internetz pplz to go and spew opinion to thier heartz content, you'd think the site would be filled. but with only around 5,850 registered members, counting inactive accounts that's not nearly as much as expected. That's not even that much at all. You still get a bigger debate on any given front page digg story or gawker post. When I originally saw it I thought it could be used as a way to, "take the flamewar outside," leaving the other sites and forums with some peace and quiet. But that never happened. The upside is, with the small commuty and even smaller active community it has, most debates are fairly cohesive and non-flamey. You actually get some interesting stuff reading it. Of course the most popular debate after over a year is still Ninjas versus Pirates. I like following this guy, he's always interesting. So why did it never catch on? Are people afraid of change? Is the Post format more easy to debate with than this two-column approach? I have no idea, but why sounds like a good debate topic to me. Anyway here's ConvinceMe. Have fun.

Review: The "Master Chef" Part 1

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My crazy Panamaniac greasemonkey weightlifter uncle decided it was due time his soon-to-be-12-year-old son got a computer for himself. New generation huh? Anyway I convinced him that building a computer from scratch would be a better option than getting one from a store or company. The system would later be named the "Master Chef." The simple reasons you should build your own computer versus buy one are as follows:
  • You get WAY more power for WAY less price (usually 2x or more).
  • The build will be more stable and the hardware is less likely to fail.
  • There are many more configuration options without the worry of breaking a warranty.
  • The cool factor, it's a computing codpiece.
Sure you don't get tech support, but when was the last time Dell or HP tech support actually helped you? Don't answer that, it was rhetorical, I know the answer to that, it's never because you motherfuckers call me all the fucking time when you can't find the start menu or can't figure out fucking iTunes. It's FUCKING ITUNES!! GOOGLE IT! .......anyway maybe I'll save that rant for another post. So the short is you should always build your own desktop instead of buying a new one. Yea yea so my cousin was getting one and I offered to build it for him. So I hunted for a lil' bit and came up with this list of parts with which I made a public wish list on Newegg Including the rebates it comes to $803.92. without the monitor thats $633.93. Pretty sexy considering if you want to buy a computer with similar specs and video card it'd cost you around $1,750 with a monitor and $1,300 without. The parts simply explained are as follows: A sexy Cooler Master RC-690 case that came with a 550 watt power supply: I chose it for it's good looks, price (at the time it was $99), included power supply, trusted brand, and good reviews. A decent MSI P7N-SLI motherboard: I probably would've gone with this ASUS model instead, but the price was just a little too high. Wasn't a bad decision though, and I'm a fan of the 750 chipset. 4Gig of OCZ Gold RAM: I haven't had much personal experience with OCZ, but the price was right and I wasn't building a computer for myself. I'd heard good things and this was a good time to check it out. An Intel Core 2 Duo E7200 running at 2.53Ghz: This is where I saved my money. Had I more to spend I would've gone with the E8200, which has a 1333mhz FSB and runs at 2.66Ghz, but it was just so much more money. A Western Digital 250Gb Hard Drive: I don't skimp on hard drives, I've bought this drive before for my builds and have always found it to be rock solid stable, whisper quiet, and blazing fast. I buy exlusively Western Digital because thier drives have never ever ever given me a problem as opposed to other companies. An EVGA GeForce 8800GT 512: I spent a little more for the trusted EVGA brand, but thier customer service is outstanding. A friend of mine busted his from stupid overclocking and they replaced it no problem, with free shipping. This thing hauls ass too, about the 3rd fastest card you can get without going SLI, and for $115 after rebate, I couldn't resist. A BenQ G2000WD 20.1 inch widescreen LCD monitor: It was cheap, had good reviews and color depth, and a decent 5ms response time for gaming. Can't go wrong with BenQ either. And finnally a LITE-ON 20x SATA DVD burner: Honestly it was the cheapest SATA DVD Burner on Newegg. The reviews were fine. I Don't have too much experience with burners and ussually just buy the cheapest no-name brand I can find. I've never had a problem with any drive I've bought. This time though, the cheapest drive was a name-brand LITE-ON. So I guess God is telling me it's time to get a name-brand disc drive. That's enough for this time, next time I'll go through the building process and start detailed reviews. As well as rate the system as a whole and compare it to other...things. Till next time. BOO! scared? Are you ready? Are you ready for this? Are you hanging on the edge of your seat?

Wiki of the Week: Uncyclopedia

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Uncyclopedia, is a direct parody of Wikipedia. It was started in 2005 by Johnathan Huang and a Netizen known as "Stillwaters," which is pretty ridiculous. It's pretty durn cohesive and spans over 100,000 pages worth of funny content. Think of it as a more refined (i.e less lulz, more comedy) Encyclopedia Dramatica, which will be covered later. The Wikipedia article about Uncyclopedia and the Uncyclopedia Main page

The Tartar Sauce Endorses A Candidate

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Figured everyone would want this. Barack and Biden FTW.

Wiki of the Week

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Ok, so I'm recycling the idea from my older blog, I like it and I can do it if I wanna. Don't judge me! This week I'm posting a new kind of wiki you may have heard of since it's been gathering media attention. It's called Citizendium. It was started by Larry Singer, the guy who co-founded Wikipedia back in 2001. Think of it as a Wikipedia but with valid information. Everyone who signs up to write articles must reveal their full name as well as credentials to write on their subject. There is significantly less articles (only about 8,000), but all of them cite valid sources, so if you're doing some research you need not fear. here's the Wikipedia article about Citizendium and the Citizendium main page.

And now for something completely different...

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There is a growing fear in today's society. The thoughts from the darkest corners of our collective psyche's, staining ignorant bliss with shadows of oblivion. We all know what it is, but so few of us will accept the reality of the situation.
Zombies.
That's right ladies and gentlemen, Zombies. Our undead friends from the realms of crappy 70's and 80's horror movies, and the hordes of nasties from the more recent 28 Days Later and Resident Evil. Now the possibility of something like a massive outbreak of some strange disease, or a government experiment, or something of that sort may seem ridiculous to many people. So it may be ridiculous, but wasn't the thought of the Titanic sinking thought of the same way? Given that anything is possible, Zombies are a threat that should be addressed, even just at a personal level, so that when "Z-Day" comes, you can stay calm, stay collected, and most importantly, stay alive.
Now one of the first things to take into consideration is where you may be when Zombies strike. Make a map in your head of all of the places you frequent often. Your house, a friends house, work, the local supermarkets and any store like Home Depot, Menards, Wal-Mart etc. Having at least some idea of the lay out of these places will give you the upper hand when you have a horde of zombies around, or following you. Next it is best to make lists of supplies.
What does one need in their fight to stay alive in the Zombie ridden future? The basics are simple. You'll need food, and water, friends, and weapons. Now choose your friends carefully, you don't want someone becoming a weak link in the group, this sounds harsh, but your lives are literally going to be in each others hands. As for weapons, look around the house. Anything you have that is blunt and heavy would probably be best, at least for the moment. If you have a gun or rifle, that's great, but this isn't like the video games where you pick up ammo everywhere. You're going to want to find anything that could easily bash in a head or cause some sort of blunt force trauma.
Think on this, and ask yourself, are you ready?

More Various Geeky Web Clippiings

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Here's a great post on The Escapist forums talking about cartoons, in particular the short film "Cartoon All-Stars To The Rescue." A film about a whole ton of cartoon characters joining forces against the evils of drugs. The film, ironically, gets pretty trippy. And of course the ever popular huge list of things that have happened since Duke Nukem Forever was first anounced. Crazy Japanese people playing the mario theme with an rc car and bottles filled with water. "I Spy" In Hell from McSweeneys. Slow motion bullet Photographs. The smallest 3d video game ever coded to date (only 96k!!), hit the download link, unzip and double click the .exe file, windows only. And finally, your next Halloween costume. There, enough? Happy? So bugger off!

Geek Reads: Doom_Rpg.odt

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Just going to link to this wonderful short narrative written by a friend of mine our first semester of college. He's a geeky-gamer-hippie-hampshire kid if you need context. It's really well written, and definitely worth a look at.

Review: Logitech Dual Action Game Pad

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So I would've reviewed a converter to plug my PS1 controller into my computer, but Radio Shack didn't have any, so instead I bought the one of two gamepads they had in stock (the other pad being an xbox 360 wireless controller, $60? no thanks). The pad rang in at 21$ and came in a nice plastic start-with-scissors-but-then-you-get-too-pissed-off-and-just-tear-the-fucking-thing-open package.

The contents of the package are minimal (as they should be, it's a gamepad) consisting of the gamepad itself, directions, and a mini-cd with drivers and crapware. I popped in the cd, and proceeded to install the drivers for the pad. I'll give props to logitech for making the crapware optional, many "driver" cd's install a bunch of other crap without asking. It installed fine, no issues. A driver and a settings application called "logitech profiler" was installed. So I figured I'd try out some games.

First was Codemasters, Race Driver: GRID. This game comes with gamepad support so I wouldn't have to use the profiler to assign keys like in an emulator or older games. I went to GRID setup and selected the buttons I wanted to use for whatever, pressed enter, and boom, all set up. Racing was fantastic. The controller is almost identical to a PS2 controller, something I felt pretty comfortable racing with. The analog sticks were a bit stiff, even for me, but the buttons were very responsive and the rubber grips reduced the sweat on my palms. After two weeks of fairly heavy use the buttons show no real sign of imprint or wear. Great experience there.

Then came Beyond Good And Evil, an old platformer for pc that I suggest you all play. This had no gamepad support, so it was time to fire up the profiler and assign the keys to my gamepad. This is where everything falls down a massive well of fail.

The "Profiler" is one of the single shittiest pieces of software I have ever come to use. Maybe I'm spoiled being a geek and all, but it was terrible. I'd go through the cryptic process of assigning key combinations and directions, only to find that they simply didn't work. I did some googling and found that the version of the profiler I'd been using (the version on the cd) was FROM 2006!!! Seriously? That's my dead great-grandmother's age in software years. Did I just get a ridiculously old gamepad, or is logitech just too lazy to update its cd's? Whatever the answer, I downloaded new software and drivers from thier website and installed them, only to then find the EXACT SAME piece of shit excuse for a profiler that had been only minimally updated, and still didn't work.

It was time... to ask the third parties.

Some more research told me that Xpadder was the best (and close to only) choice. I downloaded the small 1mb executable that came in a 450kb zip folder. It set itself up quicky and I stumbled through the quick setup wizard. Before I knew it I was playing Beyond Good And Evil and all my favorite emulator games as if sitting in front of the SNES. Xpadder is so easy to use. It has unobtrusive little tips and hints that enable you to figure out how to use it without having to go to a guide (though guides are out there if you need them, unlike the Logitech Profiler).

so, 10 is best, 1 is worst.

With Xpadder Using my Logitech Dual Action was a pleasant experience. I'd give this controller a solid 8, maybe even a 9 if Xpadder came with it, but it doesn't.

As a gamepad alone This controller gets a 6.8, it's a little too stiff, but it can compete with a lot of the other gamepads out there and it was dirt cheap, so what were you expecting? It's also the closest you'll get to a PS2 controller, which was a pro for me, others might feel differently.

As it came in the package, the gamepad gets a 3. However good or inexpensive the gamepad is, it can't offset how terrible and old the software that came with it was.

Bottom line, if your looking for a cheap gamepad, buy it, you get more than what you pay for and what more do you want? it's a gamepad. But don't even bother installing the software, just use Xpadder.